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Not sure what's going on
I am interested in a guy however I am not too sure about it. We are in the dance community together and over the years I have caught him looking at me lot and still do onto this day. We do not know each other very well but have talked a little ever since I have signed up for his classes. I think we might be around the same age. In the past, I have overheard him say how attractive I am and he thought I was stuck up. With this being said, I immediately cringed when I overheard him say this then realized maybe he wants me to talk to him. At dances he purposely dances by me. In class once I had a little conversation with him and quickly realized he didn't reciprocate. I was immediately turned off then told him I might have to leave early. He then asked why? And I answered him.
Other classes I feel like he purposely partnered up with me and was trying to get to his friend to switch and dance with me.
I also think he's a bit hot and cold then realized its too early to see if there is a connection. I want to talk to him more but I feel like I shouldn't be doing all the work. What should I do? Should I befriend him? Are there signs? In the past he also sat by me at a meeting and I caught him smiling at me a bunch of times then later on the group went to a bar and multiple times I caught him looking at me.
What can I do? Is he interested?
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This is going to be fun for me to answer. I can relate on a couple things, at least when I was younger. It is true that the first attraction is to a person's looks. However looks alone don't mean that you will have things in common. Another thing about looks and how you carry yourself and appear to others, it can be very misleading. I have known for a long time that what I look like does not match who I am inside. I am not saying I am ugly on the outside but sweet inside. What I am saying is that like yourself, the guy found you attractive but thought he saw something else, maybe in mannerisms or what have you. So he assumed you are stuck up. Well, welcome to my world. I am 60 and have never found a way to appear on the outside as I am on the inside. The only thing that works for me is to walk up to people and talk to them first and in the conversation they begin to get a glimpse of who I really am. After a divorce, I made a profile on a dating site. I was using it as a tool to screen out guys like my ex or with other traits I didn't want. I made it clear what I was like, and when my current husband read it, he thought I was 'full of shit', his exact words as he explained to me later. He was a bit jaded from having dated women who wrote that they had the personality traits and character that he was looking for and it turned out to not be the truth. His teen daughter kept urging him to find someone so finally he decided to get this over with, write me and see it flop before it started. To his surprise, I answered him point by point on things he mentioned, and I shared more on how certain things about him would not bother me. We traded phone numbers and he asked me to call him on Monday as this was late Sunday, he wrote on line giving his number. As we talked every evening, he began to realize that I was not what I appeared to be simply by what I wrote. Then when we met, the person he was already getting to know from long convo's, he saw didn't match how I appeared to people. He asked if I knew this and I said I did and thats when he said his first impression had been that I was full of shit and making it all up. I wasn't offended, but laughed instead. We are now married over 9 years
For you, it may not end in marriage, but don't let his false impression of you turn you off and rule him out. You already know there is attraction on both sides to the others looks. Yes that is important but there are other things that are just as important and people usually stop at the physical attraction. What do you think happens to long married couples when they age, and wrinkle, sag and go gray? Outer Beauty can fade, so for partner to still be in love, it can't be skin deep, it has to be about the beauty of the individual inside, their talents, mannerisms, how they think, their heart and what is important to them, how they treat others, etc. I am at the age where I am losing the looks. I look better than most my age but still, I don't look like I did when in my 20s or even 30s. I don't even look quite as I did 9 years ago when we met, neither does he. But we are so in love with who each one of us is on the inside, that it doesn't matter any more what the outside looks are and we still are attracted to the looks even thought they have changed. I go into this because whether you end up with this guy or another, do not ever stay with a man who isn't satisfied with your looks and wants you to change for him, ie getting your nose done, changing hair color, losing weight, getting a boob job. Other than the losing weight, I heard all the rest from my ex. He was a person who couldn't be pleased no matter what. So if as you get to know this guy in dance class, he starts hanging with you more,, showing interest and then going on dates, at any point it seems his interest is only skin deep, test him to be sure. Don't do your hair or wear makeup to the next date, wear the outfit that makes it look like you gained weight and see if he is as eager to spend time with you and doesn't comment on how bad you look. This is a way you can be sure, when he is comfortable enough with you to spill the truth of how he feels because guys don't think you would ever leave him at the point they believe you've fallen hard for them, no matter how badly they treat you.
So get over your fear to approach first. Give him the chance to get to know your personality a bit from chatting and he will decide if he also likes you enough from conversation and wants to get to know you even better. You should do the same. If two people want to spend time together, even date, and call each other bf/gf, it doesn't mean that you are totally sure each is right for the other. Dating is The way to find out if the person is someone you can see yourself growing old and gray with, the life long thing, with or without a marriage certificate. At any point in getting to know for sure, you can end up breaking things off and so could he. So don't assume because he wants to go on a date that he is falling for you yet. You already have your own opinion of him being hot and cold and you need to get the chance to see what he is really like. As for too early for a connection, hon there are some levels of connection. These happen beyond being attracted to looks. People connect on a mind level, liking how the other thinks, what is funny to them, their ability to be serious when it is called for but also able to laugh at themselves and with others, and how they reason or see the world, etc.
Another level people can connect on is their heart. The heart has the ability to love another person but the process of what needs to happen so the other falls in love with not just your mind or looks but your heart, is special too. The heart is where our emotions come from, happy, sad, able to emphasize with others, caring, wanting to help, so this would include not just what they think but their actions behind their thoughts. A guy can say he loves you but words are cheap and the only way to know for sure if a guy loves you is by his actions. Is he thinking of you first, doing little things for you that you could do yourself, proud to introduce you to family and wanting to show you off to friends, and so on.
People today have lost the ability to pick up on clues from a persons action whether they are interested, and have no idea how to hold a conversation face to face. All they know is texting which is the worst way to try to start a relationship or keep one going. The levels I mentioned take being in person together a lot. So I will teach you something important right now about looking at people and smiling. A smile comes up on a subconscious level. People do not think, I want to smile, it just happens. A smile means a person is showing you that they are friendly and approachable and would like to meet you and talk. This does not mean you jump way ahead in your thinking and think a person wants to be your best friend or a marriage partner. So as to his interest right now, yes he is interested. If a male finds a particular look not interesting to him, would he honestly look at the gal a lot and smile alot. A smile could encourage a gal he doesnt like by looks, to walk up and start talking to him and that is a situation men want to avoid. A hustler type of guy won't wait for you to pick up on this clue and will brashly walk over, assuming if he hits on you, you will fall into his arms and fall in love. A gentleman, makes his initial interest know in wanting to meet and get to know her better, but in case she does not feel a mutual physical attraction, he leaves it up to her to make the first move. This is the only way someone who doesn't know you, can guess that you are also physically attracted or not. If you never approach him, at some point he may give up thinking you do not feel the same way he does attraction wise and he'll leave you alone, and be vulnerable to the next female he meets that attraction with and since he believes that by you never having approached him that you are not ever going to be a possible date, he starts dating the first woman who confirms she is attracted to him as well. So don't throw away a chance that might work out. You have plenty stuff to talk about related to class, to a certain dance, to teachers in the class for conversation openers. If the teacher is in a bad mood one day, when you dance with him or have a chance to get close, you start off with a comment to him like, "Gee, I wonder what got into him today. He's not himself, don't you think so?" Now he has to comment back. Then you can say, "I feel silly being in this class so long with you and never introducing myself. HI, my name is ...." Believe me, I have been around people whom I have never talked to and at some point since I see them so often it starts to feel weird that we have never talked so I start up a conversation and introduce myself and ask their names. I have admitted feeling silly not talking before and no one ever thinks that is weird or stupid but are actually glad you spoke up. It works the same to make friends. About 90% of people are friendly with only 10 % anti social so you have great chances of having a friendly response. Also I have found that most friendly people, even those adults who are way older, just will not start a conversation first. I have no clue what they are afraid of but I have yet to start up a chat with a stranger who doesn't respond with a smile, say thank you to a compliment or start a full conversation back.
He is interested. SO approach him and talk. He is waiting for you to do so, so he will not see it as weird that you waited so long, just being glad you finally did.
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