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My girlfriend passed away.
My girlfriend passed away last year and I can't move on. I need suggestions? Thank you.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Do you feel you need to move on yet, or would you rather grieve longer. You don't have to answer me, just ask yourself and answer truthfully. When there is loss to death, people all take different amounts of time to grieve, months, a year, a couple years, maybe 5 years. But it shouldn't be life long. What I mean is that you don't forget them and have happy memories that won't bring you pain. My mom has been gone 2 decades and there is no pain with the memories, only happy ones. If I see someone who looks alot like her, I might get tears in my eyes but it isn't painful, just tears of happiness to see a face that looks so much like her. Of course you'll miss her but you are alive and life goes on.
If you feel ready to move on then its time to make some lists. She was your girlfriend for a reason. There were certain things you liked about her. Write those down as qualities you are looking for in the next woman. If by chance this wasn't a couple relationship and you were two hetero girlfriends, you still want to find someone for a friend with the same qualities you admired in her. The new person will have their differeneces, in hobbies and food, music, etc they like but their general makeup would be what ever you look for, like someone trustworthy, kind, happy with positive outlooks, funny, etc. If this was a couple relationship, then besides the friendship there was romance. Both are needed in a successfull couple relationship so be sure to not stay with someone permanently who is only a best friend but not your romantic sexual compatible partner, or stay with someone who is that perfect sexual partner but thats all you have in common as you are not treating each other like friends and fight like enemies outside of the bed. And that is what a great majority of couples have, just one of the two important foundations to a relationship.
If thoughts of her fill your mind so you can't concentrate on daily tasks, you need to work on your mind to be able to move on.
I will share a bit of psychology to explain how this works and what is specifically holding most people back. You know you have a conscious mind while awake and a subconscious mind while asleep but did you know your subconscious mind is awake and aware and has specific tasks to do while you are awake such as making sure you blink your eyes and take your next breath without having to think of it. The Subconscious mind (SM) takes on a bigger role than just that. Unfortunately it also in many cases has the reasoning of a child. It wants to see you happy and will do anything that it thinks will make you happy, including filling your mind with images and memories of your girlfriend you lost. It seems to think that what you focus on, no matter what the reason, means that thinking of her makes you happy and the SM wants to make you happy. So you have to talk to it as if it were another person inside of you and let it know exactly what you wish and how it is perceiving things wrong. I know this sounds silly but I have always talked to myself from childhood on. So its that simple, like talking aloud to yourself when alone, or silently in your mind. It is a battle to break the habit of your SM the first couple days. No sooner have you said to it, "SHe has passed on. I need to move on so I need you to stop bringing her up in my memory because it is not making me feel better, only worse. Stop it right now!" than you find a minute or two later her face coming to mind or a memory. Don't ignore this but repeat what you said again. Maybe 5 minutes go by and then it happens again. It can go in all day like this so you feel exhausted by the end of the day. I know as I did this when someone left me and I needed to get over them too and I used this method but the first couple days, I was surprised to see when being conscious of my every thought, I saw how often my SM brought him back up. It can be frustrating and tiring like working with a young unruly child but you must keep at it. Besides properly going through grieving and not getting stuck on one point, this is the only other thing I know from trying it, that really worked. If you feel you haven't grieved properly and are stuck in one of the stages of Grief, then perhaps picking up a book on the stages of grief and how to go through it properly will help you. A friend at work loaned me her book when my Mom died. I was amazed at how true it was about the stages of grief and the order in which they appeared in your life. There are warnings against getting stuck in one stage and not completing grief properly. A person still dealing with disbelief might exhibit strange ways of living their life. One woman became a hoarder because she wanted to feel happy again and felt buying herself lots of crap was going to make her feel happy again. People can act in strange ways if they get stuck in one of the stages of grieving. I hope this helps you.
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