|
Heartbroken, jealous and confused
So a month ago this guy I had been talking to asked me out. I enjoyed talking with him so much. We argue like cats and dogs, but he did always make me laugh and I’m adhd so I get easily confused so he found that hilarious. This was where we actually got along really well. My best friend stayed over at my house and he called and asked me what my favorite restaurant was. I was focused on finding a remote so I answered the question and didn’t think a lot about it. We got off the phone and he said we should go out to eat at the restaurant I mentioned. We got into a text argument. It was something ridiculous. Misunderstanding. I messaged him and said our argument was ridiculous and if he’d like to move on from it and he agreed. Then yesterday he posted he was in a relationship. It’s only been a month and he said she was the best so I guess I feel like I lost someone good. He is bipolar and it was him that started this last argument, but I feel like I should’ve stepped up sooner. Even though he says things are good he hasn’t been messaging really. I always thought of him as a friend, but now since seeing that and not talking with him for a while I realize maybe I liked him more than I realized. I guess I’m feeling....jealous? I’ve never been jealous about someone having a guy a had a “crush” on. I didn’t even realize I could feel this way. If I could just keep him as a friend that would be enough for me, but I feel like he’s trying to cut the conversation off since he’s asked me out before. It’s not the fact that I’m a girl since he’ll message my best friend Haley sometimes as a friend. But he’s never had a crush on her. On one hand I want to date him, but I also want him to be happy. If she makes him happy I should be happy for him. I just want to keep him as a friend if anything. What do I do? I’ve never felt this kind of jealousy in all my 20 years
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Jealousy is all about a fear of loss. You found him and what you feel is because you think you will lose him.
Maybe he was wondering until you called and you both made up because soon after you make up , he posted that he was in a relationship with a gal who was the best ever. He didn't mention a name, did he? I don't think so. And that is why I think he was writing about you. I don't know what social media he posted on but at some point, he must know that you became a contact on the site. If he were trying to date you on the side, he certainly wouldn't be honest, would he? Okay, may he thinks you'd enjoy being number two girlfriend, the more the merrier! Right? No. See how silly that thinking is. Don't worry prematurely until you have a chance to talk to him and say you saw a post he made about a new relationship. Don't go accusing him because if he were innocent he might clam up on you and decide that he doesnt' like how you accuse him and that could push him away. So stop waiting for him to call and call him. If the worst is true, be glad you found out early on. Some guys aren't much into typing so bypass the texting and call or better yet, meet him in person for your talk. You miss out on body language, tone of voice and facial expressions if not in person. When asking a question about who he posted about, best to do so face to face so you can see if he seems uncomfortable or hesitates and answering or looks guilty. Not that these make him guilty, they simply may be something else. But at least, these would give you cause to dig around more and not accept his answer right off. It takes time to build trust so in the beginning, without knowing for sure that one can consistently trust a person because they never veer away from their good behavior, you are left at loose ends with your mind imagining the worst. Don't rule the guy out yet. A guy who is really crazy for a girl will want to show her off, meet the parents and meet his buddies. If he is married or dating someone else, who else would know better than his buddies or even parents. If he absolutely won't let you meet his buddies and parents, then likely he is hiding something. A man who is looking for a woman to spend his future with is going to want to introduce her to family. So give him a chance to really hang himself as my husband puts it. Go along and work situations and conversations to get information innocently from family and buddies. A guy doesn't keep quiet to his buddies about finding a wonderful girl. Heck, I was dating before meeting 2nd husband and the guy got a call from a buddy states away who upon hearing that special gal was with the friend he called, he asked to say HI to me and thats how I found out that guys like to tell their friends if its an honest on the level relationship. He can't take you to hang with him and his buddies if he isn't honest because one is sure to say, Who's this girl? Where is your girlfriend Sharon? If he says he just broke up with her. A friend might say, that doesnt make sense cause just yesterday you were all gaga over her so what happened overnight? See what I mean. SO call, pretend nothing is up and try to find clues. Act pleasant and don't look upset or jealous if you want to go digging for the truth. Hopefully you will find no skeletons in his closet.
]
More Questions: |