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Best friend disregarding my feelings - boy drama
Female, 14
WARNING: CRINGE TEENAGE BOY DRAMA
Hey, so I guess I am just writing this, seeking clarification.
So, I used to fancy this guy at my school for about a year and a half, he didn't know though. That was last year, and I got over him. Earlier this year, he began to fancy me, and he asked me out on a date. The thing was, I got over him for a reason, which was that all he seems to want is a girlfriend, so I was quite relluctant to say yes, but I said yes for one date, because I thought 'why not', that reason, and also that my friends had made it out like I did fancy him, so I felt like I had to say yes, which I know that I shouldn't feel forced to say yes to that sort of thing. Anyway, so I went on the date and then I told him that I friend zoned him. That was about a month ago.
Now, what has happened is that one of my best friends told me a few days ago that she fancies him. I told her that I wouldn't be comfortable if they dated, and she just laughed. I don't think she realises that there is a sort of 'girl code', and I have a right to be uncomfortable about the situation. She kind of neglected how I felt straight away, and that kind of upsets me. She asked me for his number several times. I was thinking to myself 'why him?'. The thing is, this friend of mine seems a little 'desperate', lack of a better word, for a boyfriend. When she fancies someone she moves quickly. The thing I find weird is that she was the one who told me what a 'player' he is, and that he likes anyone who likes him and all of that when I was the one who he fancied. Now she fancies him?
I, personally, don't want a boyfriend at the moment, as I would like to wait until I am older and more mature. She told me that she would like to date him, then she told me that it's only a crush, and she won't do anything about it, while she was asking me for his number - getting his number is doing something about it.
Now she has his number, somehow, and they have been talking a lot. I thought about it, and now I realise that I am not bothered by that, I think the reason I was a bit bothered by it was because she wasn't respecting that I wasn't OK with it. Now I am, but earlier, when I wasn't she just laughed and chased after him, as she was telling me that she's doing nothing wrong.
I don't fancy him at all anymore, and I am ok with her going on a date with him.
Was it selfish of me to not want them to date?
Now I think the issue for me is that she sort of just looked past my feelings, she didn't seem to care or try to look at my perspective. I am not going to mention it to her because I don't want to create drama, and I don't think she would understand to be honest with you.
Thank you for reading, any views or advice on this would be great, thanks!
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okay so reading your story reminds me of something that happened to me..(quick flashback!!!)
So basically I was in one of the best relationships i have ever been like ever and i really liked my boyfriend, he was a really good and nice and generous person...But then one day he broke up with me and i was broken. (to this day i still have feelings for him) Well about a year or two later, My friend had said that my EX had just asked her out on like a "date". I was really upset and i was broken down.....But the thing is that i wasn't dating him so was it right for me to be upset and jealous that My friend was going on a date with someone i really liked/loved. I didn't really know because like its a hard question....
Anyways this relates to your question because I don't think its selfish that you didn't want her to date somebody that you had liked (fancied)
Regarding the friend, I think you need to take a step back and examine your relationship with her. I mean she could genuinely be a good person, but is she a good and true friend. She made it seem liked you liked the boy in the first place, Then when you tell her you don't like the kid, she goes and says that she likes him and your just sitting there thinking like "um okay, like as long as you don't do anything your good"....Then she turns around and says he asked her out and when you talk about your feelings,she laughs at you and runs off with the kid. so what i am seeing( and this is my opinion) is that your friend isn't honest to you cause she said that she wouldn't do anything then turned around and did something. But you forgave her ( i think) so that makes you a really good friend to her....And as a good friend i think that (if i am reading you right) you think/ know that this kid boy is basically desperate, he couldn't get you he goes for the next girl he knows has some sort of feelings for you.
And my final thought is for future references don't ever feel obliged (meaning forced or like you have to) to go on a date. one thing you could've said is that you really appriciated his offer but thought of you guys more as friends then as a couple.
I hope that this helped because i like helping someone who goes through similar things as me... so please keep me up at what happens...you know my name - justafriend1234
Hey i noticed you had replied.... And yea your right that there is no need to be jealous of anything. Good luck and always be there for your friend if that relationship doesnt work
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