Member Since: October 28, 2009
Answers: 1
Last Update: October 28, 2009
Visitors: 558
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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I have been reading post for days and have decided to share my life. I'm 22 years old and I really can't remember the last time where I didn't have to fake a smile or make myself laugh at a friends joke. I have always thought and wondered if me not having any emotions except for satisfaction of manipulation of someone was a evil thing. I cant tell you how long I have been like this nor why i'm even like this. As I remember my childhood was good and I always stayed active in sports. I guess it started when I realized how the earth really worked and how cruel and decieving people really are. The only way for myself not to get hurt is to not feel anything at all. To me feeling no emotions at all for any persons is worth the sacrafice of me feeling no happiness. It sad that I can't remember the last time I have morned for anyones loss. I have manipulated so many people especially girls for my enjoyment. Im not saying I have done anything terrible besides breaking the heart of every girl I have been with without any remorse at all. Only fear I have is the fear of being alone. Thats why I manipulate girls and give them the feeling that they are loved and cared for just so I dont have to spend a day alone. I have seen more girls cry in front more than you might see at a funeral. The world is a cruel place and is not going to get better. That is probally why we are like we are. We are a very smart and unique kind of people that just see's the world and how everything works differently then your normal person. We are so gifted not to have to feel the emotional rollercoaster that consumes everyday life. If anyone wants to hear more or ask me any questions I'm very open about how I feel. My email is Gbhickman06 @ comcast dot net. Ty for reading. Greg
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