Member Since: November 21, 2010
Answers: 1
Last Update: November 21, 2010
Visitors: 904
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My sister is the youngest in our family and suffers from depression and anxiety. Unfortunately, she also suffers from agoraphobia and has been housebound for over six years. She still lives at home with our mom who seems to be enabling her condition. (My mother is separated from my dad and would otherwise be alone in the house.)
Although I live a fair distance away, I try to go over when I can and get my sister out of the house by taking her to the store. But otherwise, she doesn't bother going out. I have a couple of other siblings who are of no help.
Additionally, as my husband and I get closer to retirement age, he is starting to get concerned that once my mom passes away, that my sister will become my responsbility.
My question is how (and if) we should get her to take that first step towards recovery. I know from personal experience that one must actually WANT to get well before actually doing so. However, it's been a LONG TIME now and doesn't seem to be taking an steps toward recovery. (She's refused all offers of counseling.)
Any ideas you can give me would be much appreciated. (link)
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I think you are really on to something when you say you believe your mother is enabling your sister. Agoraphobia is caused by abuse and even though we often don't think of overprotectiveness or related actions as abuse, they can be the most debilitating and manipulative.
I agree that therapy is the most effective. Maybe you could offer her therapy in a manner that doesn't continue to debilitate her (I know you mean well, though). For example, you could tell her you need some work done - obviously something that she can do from her home - and you are wondering if she would like to trade for therapy or you could pay her. Even if you paid her, she might begin to respond to that and it may begin to make her feel confident in herself.
And just love her for who she is also. People with disabilities don't respond well to always having people talk down to them. I'm sure you don't mean to. If someone was missing a leg, you aren't going to keep bringing it up.
Maybe just call her to say hello and tell her you love her, unconditionally. Don't expect her to change for your husband sake. It must be very painful for your sister to know or feel that she needs to change so your husband is comfortable. That will make her worse too. What will make her better is knowing you care about her mental health for her and not for your husband or subsequently for your own comfort.
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