Member Since: April 4, 2009
Answers: 1
Last Update: April 4, 2009
Visitors: 550
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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I too can strongly relate to what has been said here. I figured out somehow something was wrong at around the age of 8, but have only recently discovered what it was while watching the show 'Dexter' - a show about a sociopath, followed by some research of sociopathy which cast some light on why I am like I am.
I have always been relatively intelligent, which I think is the reason I've been able to 'get away with it' for as long as I have. I managed to forge many relationships through humor and mimicking and have to date been able to avoid any real suspicion. So I am curious as to whether most of you guys have found yourselves to be smarter than most? Also I am curious as to how you guys view other people? To me people seem simply predictable, almost like robots in that they will react a certain way to certain events or words every time, which is I guess why manipulation comes so easy. It is akin to pushing buttons on a computer to get a desired reaction.
One problem of late for me is keeping the 'mask' up. I am only 18 years old and find the prospect of doing it for another 60 years quite daunting. So to the more experienced here, how do you keep it up for so long? I just feel like beating everyone in frustration sometimes because of how drained i become pretending. So much fake smiling and coming up with the perfect thing to say is exhausting. I sometimes find myself just relaxing around people, forgetting to fake it, exposing my true self for a bit, something which seems to scare the more astute.
Another question I have is have you guys ever suspected an aquaintance to be the same as you? And have you ever asked them about it, and if so what was the result? To answer the question in the post before about music, the only music that provokes emotion in me is usually violent music - with a correlating violent emotion. I don't much get music really at all. It seems so illogical. Except when I'm high. Are you guys the same way?
Another thing, do you guys find the thrill of breaking the law almost irresistible? I myself have only been caught once for counterfeit/fraud a couple of years back. When the cops came to question me the rush I felt was enormous, a delightful surprise, but didnt last long at all and I was soon back to the usual nothingness. Anyway, it's good to see a place where the content is not how to detect and avoid 'these evil' people. cheers guys
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