Member Since: May 8, 2008
Answers: 1
Last Update: May 8, 2008
Visitors: 663
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Last Labor Day, we allowed our 11-year-old son “Brian” to spend the long weekend at the fishing cabin of his best friend Logan; we had our doubts about this, since Logan's mom was alwys kind of a flakey neighbor, but Logan’s family was then moving out-of-state, so this was the last chance the boys would have to spend time together. Brian had a wonderful time. Flash forward six months: I receive a belated holiday letter from Logan’s mom, explaining that she was finally getting organized after their move, and was enclosing a disc of photos taken during Brian’s weekend at the cabin. Most of the pictures are innocuous: the kids climbing trees, toasting marshmallows around the campfire, etc. But there are also a dozen photos of Brian and Logan completely naked, playing in the river and on the beach. These pictures leave nothing to the imagination--you can tell who is circumcised and who is not in every shot. Logan’s younger sister is in a couple of the photos as well.
When we asked Brian, he acknowledged that the kids went skinny dipping whenever they went to the river, and said that Logan’s mother had an album which had lots of naked photos of Logan, and so it all seemed okay at the time. We had no idea when we allowed Brian to go that Logan’s mother would be photographing him in the buff. I am furious with this woman, and I want these pictures deleted before they wind up on the internet, but I don’t know what to do. Our lawyer says that in our state such photos are not illegal if they are not sexual in nature, and the best she could do is write to Logan‘s mother and ask her to erase any photos of Brian. My husband says we shouldn't antoganize her, since there is no way we could know if she actually erased the pictures, and we should just chalk it up to experience. We also don’t know what to do with the disc: Brian wants it himself, and says the disc was of his trip, and was sent to him (the envelope was addressed to me). I’m afraid if he keeps it, his sister may get hold of it and show the pictures at school, as she has been teasing him she will do. Any ideas on what to do?
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Your son is fortunate to have Logan and his family for friends, as well as you for an understanding mother.
For Brian to have had such a wonderful experience with his friend's family is all too rare these days in our paranoid society. Had this occurred in many European countries rather than here in the U.S., it would likely have been a non-issue for all involved. It's a shame that he now has to balance the good experience against the potential of being teased.
By all means, don't delete or edit the pictures, but store them in a safe place away from he and his sister so they don't fall in the wrong hands. Give him an opportunity to look back at them when he wishes, and to show them to other immediate family members--including his sister--if he wishes, but you should maintain control over them. Children and teenagers don't have the skills to handle these kinds of decisions well. When he becomes an adult, gift them back to him--he will be grateful that the happy memories have been preserved.
In the mean time, help his sister learn to respect others more, and to bypass opportunities to tease even when they are so tantalizing. She'll be a better person for this.
It would be very affirming for your son if he were allowed and encouraged to join Logan and his family again next year. Even more so, find a way to include his sister in the festivities--that could level the playing field and be affirming to all involved.
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