about

Andrea Graham, the author of All For Christ, offers practical advice grounded in biblical perspectives. As a life-long student of the bible and the Holy Spirit, she is not a liscensed counselor and cannot provide legal or medical advice. Whether you take her advice or not and the consequences thereof is your own responsiblity.

Her publishing schedule depends on you sending us your letters. Her goal is to get to a weekly column and perhaps daily someday. Right now, she answers all letters, but our mail volume could change this in the future. Because your privacy is important, where possible, she abridges letters while editing for brevity and grammar. She won't publish your letter if you ask her not to, but does publish her reponse so it can help others with similiar issues.

advice

Dear Andrea,

I live in the UK and have four children under three, so over the past three years I have been working day and night and no longer have a good relationship with God. I have been saved over ten years, but feel each year I am drifting farther away. Is there hope of having a renewed and energetic relationship when I have very few moments to myself?

I have started shopping on the internet to make myself feel a little bit more alive. I look forward to the packages coming because it makes me feel someone cares about me, but when they get delivered, I feel just sad and empty again.

Please advise me, I feel like I am in a never ending desert.

Thank you,

Sister A.

Dear Sister A.,

I’d stop with the internet shopping, though relatively tame, it’s still just an attempt to fill a void in your heart that only God can fill. In this life, no matter how busy (this Andrea needs to listen up to this, too) we always have time for the things that really matter to us. Take time to write out your daily schedule, including how you spend the little down time you do have and you should find that to be true. It’s often quite embarrassing what our actual daily routines, the parts we have control over at least, indicate we value most.

Relationships don’t have autopilot. Left alone, they don’t coast on, but drift apart. It’s the same with Christ. To move forward, we have to keep our foot on the gas and the gearshift in drive. Shift into neutral, and you will slide back down the hill, guaranteed.

If you have an appointment book, write God in, fifteen minutes or half an hour, and keep your appointment. If anyone finds out, let them laugh, or inform them He’s the most important appointment on your daily schedule. Don’t listen to the devil, either, it’s never a waste of time to pray. Keeping in touch with God daily is the best time-investment you’ll ever make. He gives us strength to carry on, focus to stay on task, and wisdom to know what we can/should cut from our schedules. When we pray daily, we stay closer to Him and stray less from His will, which always means a lighter load.

If you’re a morning person, try getting up half an hour earlier than usual. The spiritual refreshing will more than make up for the lost sleep. If you’re a night owl, reserve part of your lunch break or the last half hour before bed for God. If you like to take bubble baths to relax, that’s also an excellent time to pray.

Also consider purchasing a daily devotion, I’m certain they have plenty designed for busy moms on the market. They tend to be short and can offer guidance on a bible reading schedule, which is another idea. Commit yourself to reading a portion of scripture every day. Either topical, as from a passage linked to a devotion, or just, “I’m going to read the book of Proverbs this month” or “I”m going to take the next fifty days (or more if you break up 119) to read the Psalms” With your schedule, don’t try the, “I’m going to read the bible in a year” one. The new testament alone might be an attainable goal, but three years would be more realistic for most of us, for both the New and Old Testaments. If you do something like that, mix up the new and old testament readings. Trust me, if you make it through Leviticus, the last thing you’ll feel like reading is Numbers. Even meditating on a single proverb a day would make a difference.

If kids are making it hard to find time, most kids like to read. Especially if you pick an easy reader version, you can share your bible reading with them. You’ll be learning together and growing in God together. Whatever version you choose, in explaining the Word to them—our most sacred duty—you’ll learn so much yourself.

The busier the schedule, the more we have to commit ourselves to “pray without ceasing.” That doesn’t mean pray 27/7, that means to include Christ in every decision you make. To make Christ your focus, no matter what you happen to be doing. Take a moment before that meeting to pray for peace between rivals, when a kid defies you, take a minute to pray for wisdom before responding. Jesus is the easiest relationship to repair in that regards. We usually can’t correct the drift in our marriages by taking our spouses to work with us, but we can take Jesus with us. In fact, He wants us to take Him with us everywhere we go and consult Him on everything we do.

Of course He has this thing about being the Boss, too. More often than we like to talk about, that’s what’s coming between us and God. When we’ve wronged someone, or harbor ill thoughts towards them, we have a tendency to avoid them, and God is no exception. Sometimes, we have to travel in the desert to reach the promised land. And sometimes, we’ve gotten there and our disobedience has turned us back out into the desert. Thankfully, we don’t have to stay there forty years. Get that appointment book I mentioned out, and spend your first appointment with God examining yourself and asking Him to reveal any sin in your heart coming between you. If you want a vibrant relationship with God, you’ll have to settle any accounts He brings up to move forward.

Even when sin isn’t an issue, Christians do go through seasons of dryness, that’s natural. It tests us to see if we will believe He’s there even when we can’t feel Him. If we persevere by faith in our devotions, He will make rivers in the desert (Isaiah 43:19,20) and make the fountain of living water to flow in us again (John 7:37-39, John 4:7-14)

If you’re not in church, find one, and if you are, you might want to pray about going to a different one, sometimes this emptiness can come as a result of the wrong church, ie, a house of bread that’s empty or serving spiritual donuts. Also, fasting can release the flood, and the Lord dwells in the praises of his people.

If you can’t remember the last time you really worshiped, take five to fifteen minutes, turn off all distractions, turn on your favorite worship CD, and sing along. Or, if you have the capability, you might want to burn yourself a CD, or put together a play list on your computer, of worships songs that speak about water. As to what to do with the kids, put the baby in the crib or playpen and tell the toddlers it’s time for family worship. Doing this with them will draw you closer to God AND each other. Can’t sing? No problem, God said make a joyful noise, not a beautiful melody. Add dancing (He also doesn’t care about coordination!) and you’ve got your workout routine taken care of, too.

Teach your little ones to worship and they’ll remind you what a fresh, energetic relationship with God looks like. Yes, worshiping may be a little humbling at first, but God loves humility. In James 4:10, he promised if you humble yourself in His sight, He will lift you up. And unlike internet shopping, even when the music stops, the joy continues on.

Love in Christ,

Andrea Graham

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What is Heaven like? I lost a loved one recently and I want to know where they are.

John saw Heaven in his Revelation, and was so awestruck by the beauty, he had a very diffcult time describing the experience for us.

While the bible doesn’t say much on Heaven’s appearance, without corruption there, we can rest assured Heaven’s beauty puts this earth to shame. And there’s only one way in:

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man cometh to the Father but by me." John 14:6.

Heaven is the restoration of the sinless state we had in the garden of Eden, perfect fellowship (relationship) with God and man. No more pain, no more shame, no more sorrow, no more suffering, no more separation, no more death.

Heaven is the only true theocracy. God is on His throne and He rules with justice and mercy, love and holiness. He is our King, Our Father, our friend who sticks closer than a brother. In Heaven, we will see face to face the invisible God we have walked with, whom we love because he first loved us, so much so that Christ took the penalty for our sins, so we could live in Heaven with Him.

To get an idea what the citizenry of Heaven are like, see: Galatians 5:16-29
Though we won’t see perfection until we reach our Home above, even here on earth, a Christian is a citizen of Heaven and God’s at constant work in us to do away with the sin in our lives and to teach us to live out the fruit of the spirit. Heaven is conquering Evil right here on Earth, one heart at a time. And one fine day, He will return in glory to complete the good work He has began in us.

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Dear Andrea,

Seven months ago, I became involved with a woman whose husband had abandoned her. At first our relationship revolved around her heartbreak over her husband’s actions. He had been unfaithful to her on at least two occasions. He had moved out of the house twice. … He had also emotionally abused her in many other ways too numerous to go into here ….

Initially, I just listened and provided a sympathetic ear for all her problems.… Slowly we became closer and closer, until one day she told me she was in love with me…. I fell in love also and we began a very close and loving relationship…. She filed for divorce about three months ago and all the paperwork has been submitted. In this state, the divorce becomes final six months after the day she filed.

…So our lives became closer and closer and we finally became engaged to be married. She swore everlasting love to me, she would forever be faithful, and she swore that we would always be together… Our relationship was faith based and I truly thought God had brought us together.

About six weeks ago, her ex-husband found out about our relationship. He started to phone her constantly. At first she told him not to call. But he persisted in a obsessive way. He would call fifteen or twenty times a night. I told her not to return the calls, not to talk to him, and that whatever she does, do not meet him. He promised her he would do anything, including go to church (which he had always refused to do before), go to counseling (which he had always refused to do) if she would just take him back. Then he kicked it up a notch, and confessed all the things he did to her, including the adulteries. He said he was the worst husband there ever was and he doesn’t blame her for leaving. But now, he has reformed. He has learned a painful lesson and he will never do anything wrong again if she will just take him back. He calls her and cries and sobs on the phone. He plays the “I’m still your husband” card.

Then last week she agreed to see him. More tears and begging. This affected her greatly. She told me she feels so guilty. She says she feels such pressure and that she wanted to be alone.

… Last night we had a wonderful evening together. But when she got home he was waiting for her. More theatrics and tears. I thought this was getting to a critical point so I dashed over to her house. I pleaded with her to stop this insanity. She had to be firm and tell her ex-husband the truth about us and to let him go. She said that she would take care of it.

Today I woke up to none of my usual email messages from her. Or phone calls. So I tried to email her and phone her. Nothing. Nothing all morning.

Around noon I received an email that stated this: “I would like to share a few thoughts I’ve had recently. I know there are no guarantees when it comes to love. Real love requires risk, putting one’s feelings out there in the most vulnerable state. Without that risk, we will never share true love with anyone. The thought of risking another chance with… [“Uriah”] scares me to death, but in reality, the risk would be no less with anyone. No one knows what the future holds for us. The best we can do is put our faith in God and pray that he will lead us down the right path. That path does not always lead to what we think is our best interest, but it does lead to God’s will. I believe in this with all my heart.”

She has continued to ignore my telephone calls. I would really appreciate some advice on this because I think I’m a little too close to the issue think clearly.

Thank you,

David

Dear David,

Her husband plays the I'm-still-your-husband card because, until the divorce is final, he is still her husband. I know this is difficult for you emotionally to accept, but please listen. Getting involved with a married woman to begin with was a mistake. That's adultery, the same offense her husband committed. Adultery is a divorceable offense, but she and her husband both have now committed the same sin and it seems to me God has been convicting her. If her conscience says God’s command for us to forgive would have her reconcile to him that is what she must do, regardless of his past offenses.

I suspect the coveting in your heart makes you want to believe his repentance is insincere to protect against your own conscience. That’s also why I kept getting told how your family and friends all approved of your relationship. Because you lack the peace of God’s blessing. He cannot bless your relationship with this woman when she is still bound to another man. Beware of this trap. Your family and friend’s approval cannot substitute for God’s and He will never approve of what His Word condemns.

I would never insist a woman live with a man that has abused her, but she has that choice. In general, abuse alone is not a divorceable offense, so unless adultery has also been committed, as you say it has in this situation, the abuse victim's choice would be living alone (or with other family) until her husband dies, or more likely, takes up with a new woman himself. You would be well advised to seek God's forgiveness for coveting another man's wife, back off, and let her go. As painful as the truth is, any promises she made to you while still bound to her husband are of no affect.

Take this as a lesson to not give your heart away to another man's wife, should another woman separated from her husband ever attempt to reel you into her web with a sob story. Never give your heart away until after the divorce is final—and then ONLY if the woman is free biblically as well, either because her spouse committed adultery, or divorced against her will, especially by an unbeliever.

I would also like to add to those already remarried, even if you were at fault biblically in the divorce, you do not need to and, biblically, should not, divorce your current spouse and return to your former spouse. If you have not already done so, do confess your sin before God and ask His forgiveness. You will know you are right before God when you can admit to others what you did was wrong. Not being reconciled to God leaves us with no peace and creates a need to justify ourselves, typically expressed by trying to convince others and ourselves what we did wasn't wrong.

To those concerned about their testimony, tell the truth. “I sinned, but God’s grace has set me free and enabled me to go and sin no more” brings God far more glory than any pretense. Just remember, God’s grace frees us from sin, not to sin. As the scripture says, God will not be mocked. You reap what you sow. Sow to the flesh, and you shall reap destruction, to the spirit, life.

One more note, if someone you know goes off with an abusive spouse or boyfriend and you have reason to believe this person has left with them under duress and/or is in physical danger, do not hesitate to call the police or other appropriate authorities.

Love in Christ,

Andrea

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