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I have been battling suicide for as long as i can remember. It started because i was being abused by my brother and i had parents who didnt help me or support me when i tried seeking help.
My only outlet was self harm and taking my friends left over valium.
Neither seem to help block it out anymore. I have no coping resources and ive always felt like i dont belong here, like im an alien. I have wanted to kill myself for a while but i always chicken out. How do i do this?

You should never, EVER kill yourself. I know everybody tells you that you have so much to live for and you just don't want to believe them, but your life is definetly worth living. You are an important person and need to live out your life. Besides, suicide is really just the coward's way out.

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16/female -- him: 18/male
So me and this guy have been best friends for years and years and years. He's my rock. However, we've always felt extremely physically attracted to each other and recently weve started hooking up (not sex, everything but). I am NOT looking for a relationship and neither is he and we both made it clear that we did not like eachother or even wanted it be a "talking" (like pre-dating situation or dating without the title) none of that. (also, he didn't want anyone to know about us hooking up because he didnt want anyone else treating our relationship differently)z But I still wanted us to be friends and when we started hooking up he started getting a lot meaner. He's always teased me and his personality is not the kind to ever be serious or mushy but it felt different. Before when we hung out and he'd constantly make fun of me I liked it and it seemed harmless and funny. But now I can't even be around him without feeling awful about myself. He calls me stuff like worthless, helpless, stupid, and that's just not okay with me.

So that's when it started to go downhill. One of my friends found out we were hooking up and told all the rest of my friends (she saw my texts to him) so I was like well shit what am I gonna do so I just told them not to tell anyone. But he still found out they knew and he got so angry at me. I found out he had been showing his friends our conversations saying shit like "look how annoying she is, she acts like we're dating" WITHOUT telling them we hook up, making me look like some crazy desperate idiot. It was then that I told him how sick I was of how he treated me yadayadayada. I tried to tell him I didn't wanna hook up anymore but he convinced me it would work. And we worked it out. But then the next day he's like: "I changed my mind I don't wanna hook up anymore cause you told people about it" even though I explained to him what happened and he understood an we were fine about it? I was like wtf okay... And Idk why that pissed me off so much but it did. Cause then two days later he asks me to come over to "hang out" obvi we hooked up. But of course, when I asked him two nights ago he replied with a straight up "no." and then Didn't text me back te rest of te night.

I hate this. I just wanna be friends with him, hook up, and not feel any of this shit but I honestly feel like I've been dumped? I HATE looking stupid and I feel sooo stupid. It seems like he doesn't even wanna be around me... like he's embarrassed by me.. Even though when his friends found out what we do they were like damn that's impressive we never thought you'd get her. And he's gotten better about being nice but he still makes me feel pretty shitty sometimes. He found out I was considering hooking up with my ex and he called me a stupid slut. Like why am I still wasting my time with someone who makes me feel awful more than he makes me feel better? He says he cares about me but I know if I tell him I don't wanna talk to him anymore or anymore I feel like he won't even give two shits. And that would hurt most of all. So PLEASE someone help me??:(

I honestly don't know why you keep going back and hooking up with this guy if he keeps treating you so badly. My advice? Stay away. Keep your distance so that he can't make you feel that way. You seem like a great girl and no guy should make you feel like shit. Sever your ties to him and keep strong. One day you'll find a guy who treats you the way you deserve to feel: special. But, obviously it's not this guy.

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