Member Since: March 25, 2012
Answers: 1
Last Update: April 30, 2012
Visitors: 297
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I am a 20 year old, semi-independent college student. I live with my father across the country from where I originally grew up. We moved when I was in 7th grade, and while the move was tough on me at first I quickly started feeling perfectly at home in my new state. I am now in my second year of college and would say that I definitely have a life here that I am not going to leave. The problem is with my mom's emotional well-being. I understand that she misses me, but it is her fault that I had to move away in the first place. We're on good terms now and we talk often enough (a couple texts during week days, sometimes a phone call every once in awhile). She has this unhealthy fixation on me moving back in with her though that makes me really uncomfortable. She'll take any opportunity to ask me to come back, and I'm at the point where I just don't know what to say to her any more. In fact, I flew over to see her last year (for the first time in over two years) and it was really a terrible experience. She was off her rocker the whole time (not drugs or anything) and just really depressed and she gets irritated over everything. I'm the kind of person who doesn't let nasty little remarks go so I usually escalate the situation.. basically we got in a fight (mind you... first time seeing her in years), that got to a point where she demanded I get back on a plane home and that's precisely what I did. ANYWAY. It used to be every time she'd get like this I'd explain to her gently that logistically it just wouldn't work out because I have a job, a girlfriend, a network of friends, I'm going to school, and there are a lot of opportunities where I am at, etc. But now I just ignore the texts because if I go down that road it's just an emotional rollercoaster where she tries to guilt trip me. I got a text from her just a couple nights ago that says "I had a dream about you you were just a little boy again and I was taking you to school. Okay that's it pack your bags u comin home!" Does anyone have some advice of what I can say to her (if I even should say anything to her)? Maybe I should change the way I think about the situation but what I really want is to stop seeing my mom getting all depressed I don't live with her. If she would stop brooding about it all the time it wouldn't be such an issue for her. (link)
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I understand what you are going through. It sounds like your mother is having a lot of trouble letting go of her little boy. I suggest that maybe you let her fly over to see you. Maybe when she sees how you live and what a great life you have where you are right now she will feel better. Always let her know how much you love her. She might feel like if she's losing you because of how grown up you are. No mother ever wants to feel unwanted or like if she's not needed by her child. Make sure that you really show her how much you love her. She just might be in need of a little love and appreciation from her son.
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