Member Since: September 7, 2011
Answers: 1
Last Update: September 7, 2011
Visitors: 507
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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I have a similar problem. I don't have great relationship with my dad and as I got older I realized how unemotional he is and how much he bottles certain emotions up all up inside himself e.g. sadness. I have never seen him cry or even come close because he believes he needs to strong all the time. I used to be a very happy go lucky, jokey, fun person but it has slowly creaped up on me how much I am becoming like him, I'm 17 now. I choose to block out certain emotions like anger and sadness mainly because I see no point in showing them to people because it does them no good to know. But this then leads to me blocking out other emotions like love, sympathy or humor. The first one I realized I couldn't really let out was laughter I felt I wasn't finding anything funny anymore and having to put on a laugh so's not to annoy people and make it look like I had no sense of humor what so ever. Even though this was the first emotion I realized I was blocking out it wasn't the first I had been blocking out the first must have been, sadness because I went through a rough patch with my family when I was 12-13 and I was upset a lot of them time but never used to show it, then as I got older I began to mature and realize certain things which made me angry and people started saying, "Why are you so angry all the time" so i just stopped it completely like a tap. And with anger going so did pretty much everything else. I knew I was become heartless and numb when I was getting told things that should really hurt but wasn't but it really hit home when my brother said I was turning into my dad and I thought to myself I fricking am! And a lot of my really close friends were saying you never really quite let me in there's just one barrier after another with you, which I just couldn't help it. I have also noticed something else about myself only recently that I have many different personalities depending on who I'm with. So when I'm on my own I will evaluate what makes this certain person laugh, what annoys them and what do they really like me doing and when I'm around them I will act like that set version of myself, but if I have a few and them friends of mine happen to come together they get a shit version of me because I just don't really say anything at all and stay very bland. Back to what the main guy on here was saying though, I also have had tests and things like and the results and explanations I have seen have all been scarily close to how my characteristics are! I don't like how I'm dealing with things. I always think to myself RIGHT this time just say what you think, just be me and say what I'm feeling but I get in them situation and either forget myself or just choose to ignore it. Other factors are contributing to this that are to detailed to explain also but I would really like to get help as I really can't talk to anyone I know because they would think I'm either crazy or a dick! Thanks for reading!
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