Member Since: January 15, 2012
Answers: 1
Last Update: January 15, 2012
Visitors: 372
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I've asked this question twice, at two different advice forums. Perhaps I just won't accept the answer, I think I might be looking still to hear what I want: that I should hang on... Well, I've met this friend through business, she's 19 years older than me (I'm 27, she's 46). We get along just fine, but it's mostly up to me to keep things going and stay in touch - unless I phone, e-mail, text or visit I rarely hear from her. I've tried "silent treatment": it once lasted 3 months, currently we stand at 8 weeks and counting. It just feels as though I am not important to her at all. Last year she went through major surgery, and I supported her as much I could. I know how much she appreciated it, she said I have been "an angel" through her op & recovery. Yet, when I need a little support, she's never there. We never get to go out and have that coffee; she can never commit to a date or find time for me. Perhaps she's just not that into me? Everyone, including my husband, says that I should let go because it is one-sided (she doesn't seem to miss me when we lose touch for a couple of weeks anyhow?) And still my heart keeps holding on, I love my friend, I've gained her trust, we have an almost tangible bond that seemed to have been strentghtened in her trying time last year. I feel guilty for wanting to let go - a true friend is supposed to give without expecting anything in return, right? I had always hoped that it is divine to give unconditionally and that that in itself would be fulfilling enough. But I do in fact have expectations: I want and need her friendship, I want her to want me too and to also put effort into our relationship. Perhaps my expectations are far too high... should I let go? Or should I fight for it? When I touched the subject of me always taking the effort to stay in touch and her never picking up the phone, we ended up arguing; she said that she is busy and I am over-sensitive. Please help me, I've invested so much and this friendship has brought me so much joy (although a great deal of tears as well...) (link)
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I realize that this is an old question- since 2007... It is now 2012. But I will still respond. I was looking for advice and came across this question which is exactly what I am feeling now!
I am currently putting all of my energy into a friendship that it seems only me alone wants. She is suppose to be my best friend, but if I don't call, text, fb, skype, email, etc, she doesn't! It hurts a lot because the friendship is one sided.
I think that it's in my best interest to leave her alone before she breaks my heart anymore. I really wanted this friendship to work, but it has brought too much tears to my eyes. I have been talking to her about it for months. She says she cares and doesn't want to lose me, but that's as far as it goes for her- words. Sob sob.
So... break loose if needs be. After all, why should friendship has to hurt so much when it should really bring joy to us?
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