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Alright so.. I'm just gonna start right from the beginning :P
In general, I'm normally attracted to men bigger and taller than myself. And as a rule (not always the case but in my experience, pretty much :P) taller men have larger penises. Soo just by default, I have always been with men who are reasonably well-endowed.
But this Halloween I ended up getting thoroughly intoxicated & hooking up with a guy that was totally not my type. Short, cute but in a very boybandish kind of way (lol), smaller penis than what I was used to.
& the sex was the best I've ever had!
We hooked up a few more time and he was consistently great, so it wasn't a matter of just being too high&drunk the first time to judge accurately.
Eventually we stopped seeing eachother and I was left wondering, was it coincidence that the sex was so great? Soo I chose a new target, hahah :P
Also shorter than me, asian (half chinese), super handsome, and predictably - not a very large penis.
And the sex was BETTER STILL with this guy! I'm like completely addicted to him, his body is absolutely perfect
I've found that guys with small ones try harder because they're insecure, which makes them more thoughtful lovers
they also have to hit it harder to get the same amount of sensation as a guy with a larger one might naturally get, and the fact that they go at it so hard is definately not something I'm complaining about :)
furthermore, the oral sex is much better - they're more proficient, and also it's more fun to preform in return because there's no gagging on my end!
On top of that, I really just find a smaller one more aethestically pleasing to look at. There is something so ugly to me about a large, swinging, veiny piece of meat, which is essentially what a large penis is :P It never really occured to me that a small one would look any better until I actually saw one.
And furthermore, with well endowed guys there was always pain upon them entering me, and I just always chalked it up as part of life. But now I'm discovering that you don't have to exchange pain for pleasure and it's amazingly liberating.
So my question is simply - is there anyone else out there who feels this way? Seriously? Because I even tried googling things like "I prefer a small penis" and there just seems to be absolutely NO ONE sharing my sentiments! :P I'm not concerned if it's normal, because frankly I couldn't care less, as long as we're both enjoying ourselves normality isn't a huge worry for me. But seriously though, just for curiousities sake, are there ANY women who sincerely prefer small penises? Because it quickly developed from an acquired taste, to an obsessionn, to a full-blown fetish in my case. Just would like to know if there's anyone in this wide world who shares my tastes :P thanks in advance for your answers! (link)
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I really don’t believe that posting this or any other problem on the net will REALLY help, cos either way, I’m gonna feel the same etc..
But I’m trying to do anything here, maybe ranting to strangers will help, I don’t know!
I don’t want any sympathy, I JUST WANT HELP. I’m sure you get a lot of posts like this here but please don’t give me cliche lines like ‘things will get better’ , ‘You’ll feel better in time’ or ‘You have people who care about you’ …..It will be a waste of your time.
If anyone does have any suggestions that genuinely will help, then I’d really appreciate that..
I am beyond the point of feeling bad…I’m just completely past it. I feel like RUBBISH absolute rubbish EVERY SINGLE DAY. I went through some crappy depressive periods as a teen,a ll of which I got over, but this is unbearable.
I think really bad thoughts, about just ending it, ending everything, which results in me feeling really selfish, and I feel horrible for even considering doing something like that to the few people who care about me…..I mean, I’ve even gone to the lengths of planning the whole thing out, where it would happen, how it would happen, what I’ll say to people I’ll leave behind. It’s gone to the extent that, anything I say, or things other people say, stick in my head and I think, ‘I wonder will they remember me saying this and see it as something more when I’m gone’ or people say something completely innocent and in my mind, there’s only one thing it can relate to, and that’s thinking about how I’ll finish myself off..
In one way I don’t want to be a coward and just give up on life and take the easy way out, when many people have it worse, but I honestly cannot help it, there are some days when I come SO close to doing something, I actually really genuinely scare myself. I don’t talk to other people, and I won’t. I’m not that kind of person, I know you’re probably gonna say ‘It will help to get it off your chest’, well, that’s why I’m doing it here. I cannot talk to people, even the people that I used to be absolute best friends with, I barely talk to anymore.
At that, even WHEN I talk to them (or anyone) I act really, really happy.. Like TOO happy, I just have too put it on so much cos I never, ever feel like talking to anyone, or participating in things that everyone else loves doing I just, I know it’s really sad, but this is something that I cannot help, despite trying for years… I’m always the one that laughs the loudest, and seems to be having the most fun, when I really have to just..stop myself from crying and really try and seem happy, when I feel like **** inside.
I don’t wanna go all depressive cliche here but I have to be as honest as I can so, sorry.
Every tiny thing pisses me off, and since I’m never happy and I fake being happy SO much, that every now and again I just snap and can’t pretend anymore and then everyone’s like, why are you sad, you’re always so happy…
I always pass it off as just ‘a bad mood’ or ‘one of those days’ and no one knows that I feel like this ALL THE TIME. Everything irritates me, I get angry at everything, I can barely stand ANYONE I know anymore, not even my family.
I just feel like I want to be away from everyone, and I feel almost jealous when someone else talks about their problems to me, cos I know I can never do that… I know that’s irrational …. but so is a lot of this.
I just feel crap, and I’m fed up of going through the extremes of faking to be really ecstatic every day, and then really, really depressed the rest of the time.
I genuinely feel like I can’t do it anymore.
I don’t fear for myself as much as I used to, there has been times (one in particular) where I really felt like I was going to end my life, I felt like I had to.
But I didn’t, I got over the absolute extreme of it, and back to feeling extremely glum every day, rather than suicidal.
But now and then, I feel it coming back. That feeling creeps back in sometimes, and I do things to take my mind off it but nothing does.
I’m safe for now, but I do know for a fact that someday, the one ending my own life will be me.
For now, I just needed to let this all out somewhere….You can judge all you want, it won’t bother me.
Thanks for reading all this, any of you that are and sorry it’s so long and probably going to put a downer on you all, but that’s what this place is for I guess..I also apologise if some of this is uncomprehendable, I kinda just typed whatever came to my mind so..
Another thing, this isn’t OVER anything, there isn’t any major events that may have triggered this, in the past few years I’ve gone through about six funerals, all of very close friends/ family, and I got through it. It isn’t because of that, or the fact that I don’t get on with some people. It’s not over some stupid guy that dumped me, like a lot of the posts I see here, I’m not that naive.. So don’t ask if there’s anything that could have triggered this, I’m just like this for no appearant reason, and have been for many, many years…It’s just, the last few months it’s gotten way, way worse to the point all the above is happening… I mean, today, I feel pretty down, but compared to what I usually feel, this is normal for me. I haven’t felt like going out, or talking to anyone, and this is one of the good days.
I’m fine right now, but I KNOW for an absolute fact that if I don’t do something, I’m gonna be back where I was a few weeks ago, planning my own end, thinking about how it will happen, thinking about how much I want it to happen.
I don’t want to be like that, I don’t WANT it to happen that way.
I can feel myself getting like that again sometimes, and I NEED to do something, before it gets too late, not to sound dramatic or anything, but that’s literally how it is. Please don't suggest going to the doctor or anything cos it isn't really an option for me, besides the fact that I'm not comfortable about going on medication so early in my life, I don't want to depend on drugs to stay happy for the rest of my life..
Anyway, I’ll leave it at that.. Thanks in advance for help.
Signed,
Desperate :’( (link)
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