Member Since: June 27, 2009
Answers: 1
Last Update: June 27, 2009
Visitors: 367
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I really tried to make this short. I clearly failed at that. Sorry.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. We’re both 17 nearly 18. Things were amazing for a while. I’d never been happier. But he warned me from the very beginning that he’s been diagnosed as bi-polar and depressed. I told him I would never let it get to me and I’d always be there for him and that I wouldn’t let it push me away. We’ve been having a lot of problems lately though. Just a bunch of arguing. Basically every day. I honestly don’t blame all of it on him. Nor do I blame it on his bi-polar disorder and depression. It’s really just both of us. I feel like he either wants to be arguing or intimate and that’s it, no in between. It really bothers me that we can’t have a friendship in our relationship anymore. I’m not very open with anyone but him. But I told my best friend about our problems and arguments and actually saying them out loud to her made me realize how terrible some of the things he’s said are and how mean he can be sometimes. So that night I broke up with him. (I thought I did, but when referring to it presently he always says “When you almost broke up with me.”) The next day I went to his house to bring him his stuff and we decided we didn’t want to be without each other. (That was about like 3 weeks ago.) The night that I “broke up with him” I felt so terrible. Like I had made a huge mistake and ruined all the plans we had, more then anything I was worried about him. He put all the blame on himself and I kept telling him not to. I was concerned for what he might do to himself. Most of his friends have abandoned him so he’s become friends with a lot of mine. I told him that I didn’t hate him, didn’t want him to hate me, and I wanted him to still be apart of my life. He just kept saying that I was contradicting things I’d said in the past. (Which is true, I’ve said that I don’t believe people can stay friends after a relationship ends. But I’d never experienced actually wanting to till then. And I told him that.) But if it couldn’t get any worse, I’ve begun to gain some feelings for a close friend. And I’m sure he (my friend) feels the same way about me, you can just tell sometimes. I’d never cheat on my boyfriend, I just feel so terrible about it though. I know crushes are normal, but I feel bad. I know I’d be upset if the situation were reversed and he had a crush on someone else. Part of me feels like we wouldn’t be together now if I hadn’t gone over there the very next day. If I had left some space he probably would have gotten very bitter and angry towards me. I also feel things would have ended up differently (This definitely makes me feel like scum.) if I had talked to my friend that I like in between our breaking up and getting back together. I think if I had talked to him he would have been really nice and supportive and probably would have made me not want to return to my boyfriend. And the fact that I even have those insecurities in my head make me unsure about our relationship. My boyfriend is definitely not the perfect guy, he’s very difficult. But I know I’m not perfect either and I sincerely love him. I just feel that I try more then he does. It’s just much easier to say “Talk to him about it” or “I think you need to end the relationship” then it is to actually do it. I tried. Anything I say he’ll always take and blame on himself. He’s already pretty heavily into drugs so I know he has the connections and that’s another worry of mine. I don’t have a problem with drugs or people doing drugs. I just don’t want him to hurt himself with them if he gets depressed or angry. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do or what to say to him. My friends and family are biased. My best friend will tell me to leave him. I can’t tell my mom all the details and she loves him, she’d just tell me to try a break. (Breaks never work.) And all my other friends know him pretty well and neither of us would want them knowing these details. They think we’re the perfect couple that never argues. We’ve been trying really hard to not argue, but we shouldn’t have to right? You shouldn’t have to try to not argue. That just doesn’t seem right. I’ve been sitting here venting to anyone who reads this I guess and I keep thinking THESE are the things I should tell him, my answers are right here. I guess my final question is, how can I tell him these things in a way where he won’t flip everything around and blame himself instead of realizing it’s both of us and we just aren’t working? Any thoughts on all the stuff above would be appreciated too. Thanks.
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well i got to tell ya your a very couragous person,but i want to ask whats more important your friends feelings about him or yours? Also even if you dont tell your mom now sooner or later she will find out and if she tells you to break it well thats your desion to do it and your almost 18 correct you should be now more able to make your own desiusions. And stop listening to what your frinds and familiy feels. Also having a boyfriend who is bi-polar can be a challenge and you should talk to him about it. Also if your starting to have feeling for another friend and your worried about suicide well you should get him a therapist. Hope this helps.
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