Member Since: June 30, 2009
Answers: 1
Last Update: June 30, 2009
Visitors: 923
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I have received good advice on this matter once before (http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=539914) and I'm hoping to receive some more. So that I don't have to go through everything again, I ask that responders take a look at the above-referenced question. To sum up: I had an emotional affair, it's over now, and I'm trying to repair my marriage and earn back my wife's trust. We have one child.
At this time, we are doing as well as could be expected, and both of us are committed to making things right between us again. As one might expect, though, there are a few problems to deal with.
One is that I can't stop thinking about the woman with whom I had this affair ("Jane"). Part of the reason is that she's not someone I just met; she's an old friend from high school that I was in love with then and NEVER really got over. As much as I want to make my marriage work, I'm worried that it's ultimately doomed because I will never be able to get Jane out of my mind and heart. I don't know if I can find again the love I had for my wife if this feeling I have for Jane just won't go away. It's not like I don't want it to; I wish very much that I could love only my wife and give my heart only to her. She's a wonderful woman who deserves nothing less. All I can think to do for now is ignore my feelings for Jane and try to force myself not to think about her... which just isn't working. I can't deny that love and passion for the rest of my life.
Another problem is that Jane was a dear friend of mine, and deeper feelings aside, it was truly wonderful to connect with her again on that level. Although I've severed all contact with her so that I can concentrate on fixing my marriage, I just can't accept the idea that I will never be able to talk with her or see her again.
So, my questions are these:
(1) How can I get Jane off my mind? How can I concentrate on what I must do, which is to fix my marriage and find again the love I felt once for my wife?
(2) Does anyone think it's possible that someday, when my marriage is stronger and the feelings I have for Jane have subsided, that I could try to contact her again and have a more appropriate relationship?
(3) If you can, please imagine yourself in my shoes. Imagine that you wanted, as I do, to save your marriage. How long would you try before giving up? I'm not ready to do that yet, but I'm thinking if it's a year from now and I still can't get over Jane, maybe that's a sign that I never will and the whole thing is futile - but is a year long enough? Furthermore, since my wife has done no wrong in this situation, would it be wrong of me to leave her just because I can't give her all the love I have to offer?
Thank you in advance! (link)
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I don't know if you will see this response as it has been a long time since you posted the question. But I am in the same situation that I reconnected with a boyfriend from 21 years ago from high school that I never got over and the core of that relationship was such a close friendship. I could easily give up any sexual innuendos in our conversations, which are mainly via email and we never see each other in person but thinking that we can never be friends is the most heartbreaking thing of all.
Were you ever able to get Jane off your mind, if so how? And how long did it take? And do you still contact Jane?
Or if anyone else reads this that has been in the same situation, please let me know. I also do not want to be judged. I am probably harder on myself than anyone else ever could be. But now that I am in the situation, it is help and advice that I need to survive. Thank you.
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