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A couple months ago I went to a party and got very drunk. A guy gave me a few Xanax pills and some lines of other drugs. We went into a hot tub and the water was too hot so I tried to get out but he pushed my head down under the water and then I blacked out. I came to and I was in a bathroom and my clothes were gone and the door was opening and then I blacked out again. I woke up and he was having sex with me. I blacked out again then woke up and I was blowing him and I tried to stop because I couldn't breathe but I blacked out again. This kept happening throughout the night where I would black out and wake up and he was having sex with me or I would be blowing him or whatever. I'm a recovering drug addict and have been speaking with my AA sponsor about this and she says it was rape. I feel sick and terrible every time I think about it and I can't stop crying. However I feel like it was my fault for getting too drunk, also I don't know if I said no or not because I was blacked out and unconscious the majority of the time it was happening. Was this rape or just me being stupid? (link)
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It is not your fault. Even if you said yes - being drunk means its not consent. Also since he pushed you under the water you probably didnt give consent but even if you did its okay, its not your fault.
People think that its the victims fault for being drunk but its not. Alchol and clothing is not the cause of rape, rapists are.
You need to report this if you havent,and get some help. You may feel like you dont need help but in the future you will suffer if you dont get help now. If you dont report it, he will just do it to more and more girls.
Please never feel like this is your fault. Message me if you need to talk
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