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Q: I got employed recently and got my first month salary a few days back. The problem is one of my friends asked for 1000 bucks to lend him and he said he will return it next month. I know him since I was 14 and I'm 24 now. I know he won't return the money coz he already owes me money. I have a problem telling no and I agreed to give him the money. I am so confused on this. I don't have a lot of friends so I'm afraid of losing him. Further more if my mother comes to know about this she will kill me. I know the mother part sounds silly but thats how I grew up. I don't want to give the money nor do I want to lose him. The more frustrating thing is that I haven't spend any of it for my family nor myself. That adds to my dilemma. As far as l know he is jobless and will probably spend the money to get drunk and do other stuff. We have another friend in common and he has blew him off saying that he spent the money.Kindly advise me on this

It sounds to me that the problem here is not in lending your friend the money. You can logically see here that giving him the money is a foolish decision. The problem I see lies in your inability to say no. Here is the thing, saying no is not a bad thing. When we say no we are actually setting boundaries for ourselves and others. People will treat us how we allow them to. When we set boundaries we are telling others how to treat us. By telling your friend no you are telling him you will not be taken advantage of. Since your new found confidence will be new to him, he may get upset. But that is ok. You can not please everyone. If you try you will find yourself miserable. Have the courage to say no. And if your friend refuses to be your friend, then that is a blessing. You wouldn't want a friend who is only using you to be an ATM.
***Visit my self-improvement blog at mindfulmema.wordpress.com***

bio

I'm a reconnection coach. I help women return and reconnect to their authentic inner essence so they can live a more fulfilled life. I am also a dedicated to helping other people, both younger and older, in regards to relationship issues. Relationships are not just limited to boyfriend and girlfriend but parent-child, brother and sister, etc.
I was a mother at the age of 17 years old so I understand the pressures and issues teenagers face. I have also been married 10 years and counting so I understand the struggles and problems of a marriage relationship. As a mother of four I can relate to the stress of raising children.
I am currently working on obtaining my degree as a marriage and family counselor.
I look forward to giving real and raw advice to you.
If you would like to follow me on a journey to self improvement check out my website below.