I'm a happily married Wife of 18 years with 5 beautiful children. I have created with my Husband a Family life I never thought possible in this world of turmoil and confusion. Growing up through my teen years was more like an excersize in surviving, both emotionally and mentally. The first years of my adulthood I spent re-evaluating all that I had lived through, and then rebuilding myself into a person I liked and wanted to be. The realization that changed my life forever was when I came to understand; I was not who or what others said I was, or wanted me to be. I didn't have to repeat my parents mistakes, when there was so many of my own I could make. I realized I alone was responsible for my choices, and for letting others treat me badly. I was no longer a child, and could demand and expect to be treated well. By freezing out those who didn't understand that for me things had changed!! I was still young, so I didn't alway's know what to do, but I sure knew what NOT to do! Which that alone is sometimes half the battle!!
Gender: Female
Location: CA
Occupation: Domestic Engineer
Age: 39
Member Since: September 22, 2005
Answers: 31
Last Update: June 8, 2008
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please help me. my friend she left her mom's house and her mom is abusive and now shes living with her dad permanetly because her parents recently divorced but now that she is living with her dad should either she or i tell her dad? she has a little brother too and he still lives with his mom sometimes but she doesnt hit him. just my friend (shes older). my mom said that the dad must know and they divorced so he probably knows about her behavior but i dont know if he does really. my friend said she things he doesnt know how serious it is so should we tell him? cause i dont want to tell him if he already knows and it be awkward but i know making sure he knows is more important and i think to myself if he knew she was abusive why would he let her stay with her mom? right?? thank you so much this is so important-thank you :) (link)
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Actually I'm not sure the best thing to do is tell the Father. Having just divorced the authorities may suspect that he is just fabricating abuse stories to get back at his ex-wife.
If you and your friend really want to help her little brother then that's what you need to do! Tell your friend she needs to pick up the phone, call the child protective services in your area, and tell them everything that happened to her at her mother's hands. They will then investigate and get her Father involved by asking him if he is willing to take custody of the child if/when they find his current home with Mom to be unsafe. The Social workers you contact can help your friend's brother quicker and more effectively than her Dad can.
Also, if you first tell him, he may go and confront the Mom and things could get ugly. More often than not in situations like that, women have a way of turning things on guys and getting them sent to jail for alledgedly abusing them!If things played out like that he would lose all credibility, and the kids would lose their safe haven with him. The best way to handle this is a surprise attack in which your friend establishes protection for herself and her little brother using the help of social workers. That's why they are there. To help. Their goal is not to rip apart families but to intervene when needed and provide assistance to rebuild and strengthen families.
The good thing here is that your friend doesn't need to worry about her or little brother being placed in foster care because Dad is there. However being a parent, I know how angry someone abusing my child would make me, and might cause me to do something without thinking. If that happens with her Dad, the authority's may look at this as an ugly custody dispute between the parent's. The fact that it is actually an abuse case reported by the child could get lost in the muck and mire of their divorce issues. Don't let that happen.
You and your friend may be young, but your old enough to save her little brother. Just speak up to the right people. The on-going silence is giving her Mother the oppurtunity to vent her rage on whoever is available. Right now thats her little brother. If your old enough to read this your old enough to make all the difference. It doesn't take an adult to do the right thing here, it just takes one strong and brave person (child) to expose the truth.
I want you both to understand you don't have to be a grown up to do whats right, you just have to be willing to stand up and DO what is right!! Help your friend to understand she has the knowledge and power to save her brother much more effectively than her Dad will be able to. She doesn't have to be the victim anymore, and neither does her brother. She can utilize the system to save them both, and get her Mother the help and/or counseling it sounds like she so desperately needs.
There is a quote that apply's here; "All it takes for Evil to prevail, is for good people to do nothing!" Be brave, be bold, look beyond the number of your years, and know that you don't have to wait till your grown to stand up for what is right. Take Care of yourselves and each other. Good Luck
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