Gender : Intersex — if you’re confused. Yes, I was born that way. Refer to me any pronoun you like.
And yes, I’m probably younger than you expected.
Also, yes, I like to read books on all subjects. English is a national language in the Philippines if you’re wondering because of historical American colonization.
Also, I turned 18 last April 10, 2019.
Location: The Philippines
Occupation: Student
Age: 18
Member Since: March 30, 2019
Answers: 34
Last Update: April 14, 2019
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Hello! I am 24 and a female and I wanted to ask some questions about my mental heath. I know I am going to get some replies telling me that you aren't a doctor and that isn't what I'm looking for, I just want some friendly advice on what you think or from experience!
Last October, I saw my doctor and he had diagnosed me with obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety. He put me on 5 mg's and then went up the next time I went in for a check-up and I just had recently gotten pushed up to twenty. That is because, I am in between jobs right now and I have been off for two weeks waiting for clearances to pass so I can start my new job so I've had a lot of free time to sit and just think. I've been worrying about really silly things like out of the blue, I thought my boyfriend was mad at me or seeing someone else and I just cried to him about it because I worried so much that I couldn't stop thinking about it (yes we talked about it and we are perfectly happy and content and with all the time he spends with me, I know there is no way he is seeing someone else, even asked his mom if she thought he was different and she said no). Then I would worry about getting sick, I was going through a girl's instagram page who had gotten a spinal cord injury at 24 (my age) and I was just worrying that something like that would happen to me. So, I called my doctor and told him all of that and he upped my medicine to 20. Now, I've kind of been more in check and noticing, even very small, thoughts that come into my head. One thing I have definitely noticed is that I have been thinking about death a lot recently. I did just lose my grandpop a week ago, which could be a factor. While I'm driving, I'll think about someone running into my car. The other day I thought about how someone could be so sad that they would cut themselves to death. I often think about having a problem with my heart (how my grandpop passed) or cancer (how my pop-pop passed) or something like gastroparesis because I saw a youtube video about how that come come out of nowhere.
Now, where my question lies is in the last thing I brought up. I know before you start these medications they tell you all the risks and one for Lexapro, what I am on, is thoughts of suicide. However, I do not get the urge to run my car into traffic or harm myself in any way. When I think about it, it usually comes from an empathy thing (at least with others self harming) or it is always somebody else, like someone running into my car, crashing into me, it isn't ever me crashing into someone else, nor, like I said, do I ever have the urge to do that. I also thought I should mention that the last few days when I have been worrying a lot about the things I mentioned, I never worked myself into a panic, so I do know that my medicine is working for that. Also, I did speak with my mom about this and told her everything. She was on Lexapro when she was my age, stopped, got back on, and had awful thoughts so her doctor put her on something else. She said that she believes what I am thinking is just thoughts, since it is not urges or me feeling like I need to do something to myself, or someone else, that I do not have to worry. Mind you, I am going back to school for my master's in therapy so I am quite intrigued by the brain, mental illnesses, learning about the minds of criminal like Bundy, and why people do what they do. So my mom said with my being interested in this kind of thing, losing both of my grandfather's to tragic illnesses, and having a lot of free time to think about everything, I should not worry about thinking what I've been. I also started the whole conversation with "mom, I think it's something worth mentioning but I don't want you to worried, because I'm not worried" and I'm not. I would be if I had gotten an urge to hurt myself or others, aside from just thinking about other people that do, but, again, I have not. I am starting my new job tomorrow, also, I'm eager to see if by keeping my brain occupied and having purpose again, if this will stop.
Question being: if you have anxiety or depression or anything, do you sit and worry or think about death? Do you think it seems worrisome? (link)
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That’s normal. Nearly everyone is aware of their mortality when a loved one dies, and it bothers me that people don’t ask questions about it more since they’d have to prepare themselves for what could happen in the future. It’s a lot like introducing kids to the changes in puberty, since everyone is going to go through the experience eventually.
A lot of religions around the world talk about pondering on their death and so do many innovators. Steve Jobs said once that remembering his death motivated him to realize that his time on Earth was limited, and he wanted to live his legacy before it passed.
In Christianity, it is called Memento Mori, where the practice is done to be able to have a deeper gratitude for the chance to live that God has given. In Buddhism, the Buddha talks about realizing how you will lose everything material you have in death, and how love is what truly lasts.
Normal is not always good. A lot of people have to talk about it more. It’s not thinking of death that is bad, but how you deal with these questions.
Best of luck.
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I’ve been through so much in my life... growing up with alcoholic parents and alcoholic friends as an only child. Pretty much gotten 2 DUIs... and gotten in trouble for shop lifting I have to pay this class and money. I’m going to be 25. My parents are 64! My parents relationship ship has always been pretty bad fighting a lot my mom is a big time alcoholic. With still going through this court stuff without having a license and not being able to drive.. my mom fell back on her head had to get stitches, my dad is on disability with his knee, they have to get a loan on the house, I have deal with a bf that is an alcoholic we were off and on. I’ve lost his trust but he’s done crazy shit though as well from alcohol but yet I stay with him because unfortunately now I believe I am dealing with depression, anxiety, social anxiety, ocd I don’t even know what else. Everything is fucked up! And it’s affecting my work. I’ve isolated myself a lot and ignore people because well look how my life has been, I’m always negative now or think bad. I think there is something wrong with me mentally and because everyone pretty much drinks and parties and with my life I’m ashamed. I’m embarrassed. I’m depressed. THIS IS where I’m wondering if Isomething is wrong with me because I just want to ACT NORMAL AT LEAST U KNOW. I’ve done research it’s normal to have intrusive thoughts? I’ve had those where I thought I would harm someone even though I would not at all!!! But it makes me act weird or I feel like I’m acting weird. I’m all quiet at work I have no idea what to talk about, I’m stuck inside my head, I look at my co workers and see them looking at me or been asked if I’m okay. I’ll do weird stuff to avoid talking to people... kind of pasting or always finding stuff to do or sometimes talking out loud like “what was I going to do” or on my phone a lot or quiet. Even my body movement shows I’m uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable a lot. All of sudden I’m not me. I’ve tried different anti depressants the longest one I have been trying right now is 10 mg of Prozac. Today I had it with little coffee and ciggs which is stupid bad for anxiety right? I tried half alzapram I’m prescribed 0.25 but I went home early I was getting paranoid, dizzy, nauseas.. I keep constantly googling what is wrong with me or the medication I have tried. I’ve been out of it... bad memory I almost thought I have a brain tumor or am I Austic or just fucking losing it. God help this sounds like a shit show. (link)
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Try to look up Complex PTSD, often a PTSD based not only on situations like wars but an abusive childhood. It’s because when you’re still a child, you’re still vulnerable, and it’s easier to get traumatized for it.
Try to find a therapist in your area, or find a volunteer listener from the live chats in the website 7 Cups of tea. Go to traumahealed the website to find ways to cope, and look for Dr. Pete Walker’s website and books for more professional advice on it.
Feel free to go to Palouse Mindfulness for audio relaxation techniques for anxiety issues for free. It’s backed up with a lot of scientific research, and it might really help you.
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