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I'm 16 years old. I know, thats young.
But I had a boyfriend my freshmen year, he was also my best friend before we decided to be together.
We went out for almost 2 years. But heres the thing.. I moved about a year ago to another state. So me and him have been doing long distance for the rest of the year.
My parents hated him because they found out about me and him getting intimate. So we only visited each other once. and we broke up 2 months ago.
I feel like I lost my love and my best friend all in once. Were trying to be best friends still, so we still keep in touch. but I still have feelings for him. He says he doesn't love me anymore, he said he loves me as his best friend. Sometimes hes really rude to me too, and not sweet all the time like he used to be. & I miss him so much.
I'm trying to get over him, like we barely talk anymore, it used to be everyday for like 5 hours. and now its maybe twice a week for like 30 minutes. and I go out on dates with other guys. I joined a bunch of things in school to keep myself busy. But at nights when i'm all alone, hes all i can think about. So I call my friends ot keep me busy until i fall asleep so i'm not alone.
I don't want to live like that. I wanna be able to get over him.
But I know the main reason he broke up with me is cuz i cheated on him twice. But I have problems saying "no" b/c i was raped in 8th grade. its a long story. but he forgave me. but all his friends tell me that he just doesn't want to get hurt again, and i understand that. But everytime he gets drunk/high he talks about me asking "why would she do that to me?" or "I love her so much, i don't know why she did this" so I think he still had feelings for me.
so I don't know if I should try and get him back? or just hold off and at least wait til school is out? or just shut him out completly?
I don't know what to do.
I really really still want him as my best friend b/c he knows EVERYTHING about me and he understands me better then anyone else.
I just don't know what to do.
help?
sorry this is so long.. (link)
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First off, you need to find yourself. I can identify with your rape situation, and I am sorry that that happened to you. However, you have to ask yourself if you're not saying "no" because of the reason you stated, or is there an alternate reason? There is nothing wrong with a healthy sex drive, but you have to be appropriate and responsible. If you love your lover/best friend like you said you do...there should be enough will in there to say "no". I believe that love comes in all forms, at all ages and stages of life-but, sometimes it is best to let what we love go to see how strong our love really is. This is easy to do when we are young-we can experience what we need to experience to reach individual fulfillment and then go back to where our heart belongs if that is, in fact, where our hearts belong. My advice would be to unsend the myspace message (that is possible), call him yourself-explain why you cheated and tell him that you're going to check back in with him after school ends and see where you both are. You can still remain his best friend...never give up something like that. But, keep the intimacy out of it. For yourself, try to be celibate for 6 months. You will be able to make better decisions if they are not sexually influenced. This will also allow you to become in tune with yourself, what you really want, and allow you to focus on what is important. Hope this does you some good. Be well. :)
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