Hello everyone My name is Ashley. I am 22 years old and currently have my bachelor's degree in Psychology from NC State University and I am working on my master's at Duke University.
I am willing to give my profession advice to anyone who would like it. I can give advice in just about anything you can think of.
Member Since: November 8, 2010
Answers: 6
Last Update: November 19, 2010
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In April my boyfriend broke up with me and said he didn't love me anymore. For a few months before that he told me he wasn't sure what he wanted anymore. So I did expect it but it hurt a lot, we'd been together for 8 months.
In June I got with a new guy. We broke up last month. My ex added me on FB today and I think he's leaning towards getting back together, would you say that's a good idea or not? He's fell out of love with me once and totally broke my heart. Could he do it again? (link)
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One important thing is to always make sure you don't read between the lines when the writing is clear. Sometimes an addition to facebook is really just an addition to facebook. Falling out of love with someone is very possible. Your ex most likely just wants to be friends with you. If you still have strong feelings for your ex my advice would just be his friend and be yourself. If you do those things then he will most likely fall back into love with you. If he doesn't then you still have a close friend that you can lean on.
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So about 3 years ago I was in a love triangle between my first love and the one who stole it. I left my first love for another guy but never fully got over him. I'm always way too sentimental. I knew I had to choose between the two of them instead of playing with both of their hearts...I didn't mean to intentionally I just felt like I loved them both equally. Well long story short I ended up losing both of them on bad notes and never hearing from them again. Went through A good 2 year depression until I felt comfortable to start dating again. Well about 7 months ago I had met this 17 year old at this school called job corps academy and My attraction for him was there imediantly. It took a while to get over his age because i'm 19 going on 20 in a few months but he was honestly the most mature 17 year old I've ever met and the one to have finally broken the seal of not being able to date because I was never feeling it but he gave me butterflys like crazy!! He was very satisfying in every aspect the only problem was, was that I was his first actual serious relationship to where we felt like we were falling in love...and me I've been there done that so it took him some getting used to. We ran into some problems and I had continually started to run into a friend I've known a while through parties. I know this friend of mine likes me and as time passed I started to grow a liking in him. We would start to be cuddle buddies at parties until one night we ended up kissing. I came clean to my boyfriend, we got over it but a month later my boyfriend decided to make the same type of move with another girl from our school before I had left the school to continue on with working and what not.. I hit an all time low and basically said screw this im gonna be with my friend..so me and this new guy have been together since..Its been almost 3 months and we have come to that love stage but my ex the 17 year old has popped back into my life telling me how much he loves me and how much he messed up and how much he misses me and wants me back...and I'm a sucker for these things because yeah I honestly miss him...but I also love my current boyfriend because hes a great person too. I kissed my ex and everything just seems so backwards because instead of cheating on my ex with this new guy im cheating on my new boyfriend with my ex. I have alot of feelings still for my ex but alot of feelings for my boyfriend... I need to pick one before I loose both of them and this pattern keeps happening in my life. The 17 year old is still in Job corps, doesn't have a job until hes out, doesnt have a vehicle, lives kinda far but my attraction for him makes my chest pound. My current boyfriend has a good job, has a car, is like my best friend, but the attraction isnt there as much. This is so frustrating I hate hurting people expecially knowing they are both crazy about me and I hate regretting my decisions when I finally make them. I'm stuck...again. (link)
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Dear Always in a Triangle,
The thing about love is that there are many types of love. There are six defined styles of love. The problem with your situation my dear is simply that you have different types of love with each gentleman. I am sure you have heard the statement many times that history repeats itself and indeed that proves to be true. My advice for you is determine which type of love you feel for guy A and guy B. The type of love that you are truly looking for is what is known as AGAPE love. This type of love is true love. It is the kind in which both parties are willing to give your heart to the other person without asking for anything in return. The purest of all types of love. In my professional opinion I do not feel that you have this type of love with either guy. Everyone hates hearing at any age that they are too young to find true love. I don't believe that you are too young to feel true love, I believe that according to your descriptions of the two guys and how you were able to cheat on both that true love does not exist with either of the two, not that it isn't possible for you at your age. Now, back to the other types of love...the second type of love is the type of love that I feel you have with guy A (Job Corp guy). This type of love is called EROS love. EROS love is the type of love in which it is full of passion where you get butterflies in your stomach and all of the things people have come to believe true love is. Guy B falls into the PRAGMA love category. This means that you feel for him because he makes more sense. He is the responsible choice. Responsible doesn't always mean right. If I were you I would talk to guy B about backing up and just being friends until you figure things out. He would make an amazing friend to help you through feelings that sometimes guy friends are the best for. I would also talk to guy A. You may have strong feelings for guy A, but you may want to see if a friendship is possible. True love is about sacrificing yourself for the other person. In order to feel comfortable doing that you must have a base friendship. It is much harder to decide between the two when you are "dating" both. I would take the time to remove them both from the "boyfriend" category and discover how you feel about them without all the other pressures. Remember all true love beings with one of the other types of love.
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