I love giving advice. Some of my advice has saved relationships, began new ones, and helped friendships. I'm willing to try and answer any question I can, using my own experiences and knowledge, as well as articles I read. Ask me anything! I earned my bachelors in Psychology in 2016. Feel free to ask me things! -Heather
Gender: Female
Location: Illinois, USA
Age: 25
Member Since: November 11, 2009
Answers: 70
Last Update: April 30, 2020
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So, when I started my current job a year ago a much younger woman, E., was very friendly toward me- catching my eye, smiling, staying behind.
I had had a terrible experience from getting involved in work before so kept my distance from her. I knew that between the age difference (20y) and simply working in the same office nothing good could happen.
She seemed hurt but found a man from another office and they moved in together.
Eventually we got talking and I really enjoyed her company- she has a Visual Arts degree and we share similar tastes in TV and film, though she prefers Fantasy books and is quite a 'romantic' thinker.
She was the first person outside my team to ask about me after my hospital stay, which was nice, and we have some great chats.
Anyway, This Valentines Day we had an office theme and we're encouraged to send cards etc.
I thought it would be nice to send her a Secret Admirer card- nothing intense, just a 'have a happy day' type card, no hearts, declarations of love etc.
When she got it she seemed really happy which was nice to see. The usual "so embarassing" whilst showing it to every other woman. It felt good.
However a week later she suddenly became very distant from me. Avoiding eye contact, curt replies, no smiles. She even left work with a female friend without saying goodnight, neither of which she has done before. I have no idea how she worked out it was from me.
I have kept out of her way as I hate the idea of making her unhappy or uncomfortable in any way.
I tried to do something nice but it backfired. I get on well with everyone else from canteen staff to managers and even have a female work friend the same age as E. who keeps meeting me for lunch.
I don't want to get a reputation as a 'creeper' at work. Nor do I want E. To feel odd around me as in the circumstances I just thought it would make her feel special and happy.
Any advice?
Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=662306#ixzz4Zw56oIvK (link)
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You can do one of two things: 1.) the direct route would be to bring things up (i.e. I noticed since the Valentine's Day thing that you started acting differently towards me..did I do something to offend you? If so, I apologize) 2.) you could just keep your distance like she is and seem if she comes around.
If you want to know my preference, I would say #1 is the best way. It may be a little uncomfortable at first, but ultimately you'll get an answer either way. I hope this kinda helps, and please keep me updated! I'll continue to rack my brain if these choices don't work for you.
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Rating: 4
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I've already decided to apologise- I'll keep you posted.
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