I know what it's like to be alone and confused, with nowhere to turn and no one to help while darkness threatens to envelop you completely. No one should have to deal with these feelings on their own. We all need help and someone to listen. That's where I like to come in, if desired. I don't want to see anyone go through what I have. We are all human, and we all feel. I believe that emotional release is the only way forward, and that all emotions are valid.
I'm happy to offer perspective on anything troubling your mind. My advice will always be honest, but I will try to deliver it with kindness. Truth can be painful sometimes, but I feel that in the end it is more helpful than not, and necessary for real progress. So, I can't make any exceptions - truth is what you'll get every time.
It is my belief that we are all entitled to live the happiest life we can, and it is for that reason that I always do my absolute best to assist people in making decisions that I think will benefit them most. I want you to be happy, and I hope you want that for yourself, too. If you do, together we can attempt to make it happen. :)
Website: Soul Structured Lines
Gender: Female
Member Since: February 2, 2016
Answers: 4
Last Update: February 3, 2016
Visitors: 670
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I'm 18/f.
My ex broke up with me exactly a year and 5 months ago, (wow) August 30th, 2014 and I think i'm pretty much still yearning for him although i don't want a relationship with him. It's just sexual and I know its a bad idea but it's all I wanted. Now i just want to lose my virginity to eliminate that 10% of want i still have for him. But there is a problem with this.
The friend that I have in mind has had sex with at least 8 other girls. There is a girl who lives close to where his father lives that he goes to see (pretty rarely actually), and he just received a blowjob for the first time from another friend of mine about 2 weeks ago that he used to have a crush on (but that might end anyway, she said to me that she is "already bored" lol). At the same time he and I might become friends with benefits. Even though if I start to have sex with him I would be the most frequent (and most exciting) one, that's 3 girls he's going to be having sexual contact with at least occasionally, and that's a possible STD or STI I might get. I don't want that complication, but I really don't think i can afford to wait any longer, I might go crazy.
I'm still thinking about sex with my ex and its driving me crazy. I can't just look for someone else because no one will match what I'm looking for, then on top of that I want to be sexually compatible with the guy. That will take too much effort.
I don't want to want my ex at all. I don't want to want anything to do with him but a part of me still doesn't know what dignity is. So I want to kill that part of me. I know that my friend and I are sexually compatible enough, and he likes my body and I like his body but we would never date each other (he has even told me he makes a horrible boyfriend, and i know exactly what he's talking about), SO IT'S PERFECT because I don't want any of my relationships to start off as just sex anyway. It would just be a mistake.
This friend was the one that I went to on the occasions when I was missing my ex really bad. He's a good listener, and I appreciate that, this is how i know he is totally worthy of having a girl like ME lose her virginity to him. He has been so patient and kind to me. I'm even starting to fantasize about him. This is a huge, really big sign because for the whole time I had feelings for my ex, I had dreams and fantasized about him and only him (we're talking, over 2 years of me being completely sexually focused on him, yes including the 4 months of me just admiring him and the 2 months of actual talking) and I'm finally done. Now I'm just waiting until I start having dreams about my friend for more encouragement that I'm really done. I'm excited and scared and preoccupied with birth control and I need to talk to him about getting tested, etc. Being a virgin is so annoying...
So, my question is: Would this be a mistake? I am 100% sure I'm ready to lose my virginity, but I'm not sure if this will solve my problem. It's really a priority in my life. I don't want to be in love with my first love forever, like they say. Not even a little bit. No, thank you
Thank you for reading and being in my brain for a little bit. I appreciate it and I hope you have a great day because they all are :) (link)
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Unfortunately, this isn't going to solve your problem. I understand your desperation to move on, heartbreak is a tough thing to deal with. This will satisfy your curiosity for sex, but emotionally it will leave you as empty as you are now. Because at the end of the day, your desire is for your ex, you wanted your first time to be with him. Your mind won't forget that just because you've chosen sex with another...
In order to get over your ex properly, you must work through each emotion you are feeling. Do whatever you need to do to express and get that anger, sadness and pain out of your system. I know it hurts, but it's the only way forward. And it doesn't matter how long it takes. First loves are the hardest to get through.
Losing your virginity to your friend seems logical, because he's trustworthy, nice and respects you. But it could complicate things down the road, and once you go there, there is no going back. It is a huge risk, and you really need to decide whether or not it's worth it. Could you handle losing your friend on top of the already lost ex? We'd like to hope that wouldn't happen, but it is a potential. And even if you don't lose him, you will lose some part of what you have currently, because dynamics will change. Is that something you're truly ready for emotionally?
There is no rush to lose your virginity. The right person and time will come around. Instead, I would suggest trying to work on getting over your ex, and hopefully in the future you will find yourself with someone who is interested in more than sex.
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