Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
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My husband and I's one year anniversary is coming up in a few months, and so is a very close friend's wedding, her wedding date: our one year anniversary. I'm at a loss of what to do. My husband wouldn't be able to come with me to her wedding, and my friend would be extremely hurt if I didn't go. What makes the situation awkward is I knew when picking my wedding date that my friend would be getting married that same day. I had no choice however (my husband is military). I reassured and promised her since she got engaged that I would be there at her wedding. In fact, as soon as I got the wedding invite, I texted her and let her know I would be there and how excited I was. My husband always knew I'd be going, but I guess it just clicked for him I'd be missing or first anniversary. He's very upset, anniversaries are very important to him. I tried reasoning with him that we could celebrate another day, but he's not having it. What do I do? I will always pick my husband over anything, but shouldn't he be more understanding? Should I be present for the most important day of my close friend's life and hurt my husband? Or be there with my husband for our one year anniversary and risk losing my friend? (And I have very few true good friends) (link)
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The concept of your friends wedding day (which will be a one-off) having priority over your anniversary (which I hope will be just of many more to come)is a sentiment I entirely agree with personally. However, I am not your husband and his priority is very clearly your anniversary. And 'demoting' his primary objective to 'another day' is not likely to be popular with him of course. I assume you've reasoned this argument through with him...without success? OK. I'm assuming now that the wedding will take the usual format. Formal service, followed by reception? Now a wedding reception is normally over the afternoon and evening. Usually it's quite a lavish do. Nice meal, lots of booze (including oodles of champagne!!)and a good excuse for you both to put on your best outfits, and a make-up and hairdo for you. How about making the reception a celebration of your own. Don't try and steal all the thunder from the happy couple, it's their day. But incorporate your own anniverary into the day out. If the best man makes his speech, ask him when he's thanking the guests etc to mention "Jennifer's best mate Jane and husband Joe who were married a year ago on this very day. Glad you're both here". Pause for a bit of applause or a cheer. Savvy? Substitute you real names, naturally! That would be my first choice in handling it. Attending just the service migh be acceptable, leaving the evening (usual time for meals and parties) free for whatever you and hubby have planned. Or stretch it a bit, by attending the reception and leaving a little early. You'll be dressed-up already. The last two really assume the wedding is not a huge distance from where you would like your own celebration. You'd perhaps like that close to your home? You'll have to arrange dinner, hotel etc in a strange town. True, that's not an impossible ask by any means. But I'd try suggesting the first idea to him. The reception and all the glitz counts as YOUR anniversary celebration. Mainly I suppose because having your friend and her husband come along with YOUR anniversary dinner on THEIR wedding day is decidedly NOT an option! If you do have to make a mutually exclusive choice then try to be gracious about it if it's not the one you feel you SHOULD have done. And genuinely apologetic to the one you let down. Good friends should make allowances, but so should your husband. Hope my reply might help in some way? It clearly IS an issue, but when you're negotiating with your husband do try and keep from making it an even bigger issue. Meaning keep calm, cool and reasonable when you're putting your side over, whatever the outcome. At the very worst, you might tell your friend that you've found that your husband has secretly arranged a big party. Loads of invites. Not realising there was a clash of dates. And you can't get out of it. But you'll have to cover your tracks if it's a table for two in a small intimate local restaurant or something and there's a chance she'll find out. Hope again there's some light somewhere in my reply, and I wish you an outcome which is satisfactory for all. X
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Rating: 3
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He cannot attend, the wedding is far away and the military will not allow him to go that far, but thanks for the advice anyways, just doesn't really apply
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