Member Since: January 27, 2015
Answers: 14
Last Update: June 28, 2016
Visitors: 1343
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I know I might come off as sounding like a crazy insecure girlfriend but I just need some reassurance here. My boyfriend and I, we've been together for a little over a year. It hasn't been easy but we've always worked through it. He was with his ex for 5, but she ended up cheating on him and they broke up for good. He tells me that they're still friends and at the point where they can be cool with each other now, not have any tension. So I know they will still text each other every once in a while. She doesn't live here anymore because she's a flight attendant so she's all over the place. Anyway, my question comes down to social media, instagram. Is it wrong for him to go back through her recent old selfies and like them in a row. He usually doesn't like them when they're posted because hes not on but I've noticed that given a week or two, he'll make sure he goes on her page and 'likes' them. She always likes every one of his whenever he posts one. I personally feel they shouldn't even be talking but I guess thats just my opinion. Should I tell him I dont like it? Then again I dont have her instagram on my account, I have it on another that he doesn't know about, so I cant even begin to explain to him how I know. He tells me he loves me and I can feel it but if he does those things too, then what does that mean. (link)
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You know, I've been on both sides of this situation. First of all, it IS simply social media: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, etc.--they tend to make it easier for people to reach out to one another and therefore, to amplify unnecessary paranoia in relationships. I'm still friends with two of my exes; it is certainly possible if both parties can be mature about it and ready.
On the other hand, I think what's making you feel insecure is the constant contact they have, which is a completely natural response. But what this means is that:
1) You need to stop checking up on his social media activity. Even though it's natural for you to be concerned about him spending so much time with an old flame, you're doing yourself no favors by having created a fake account that your boyfriend doesn't know about in order to check up on the both of them! THAT is not natural, and it's part of the problem.
2) You should have a heart-to-heart discussion with your boyfriend about whether or not he still has feelings for his ex. This discussion should clarify any misunderstandings and insecurities you may have. Sometimes, exes simply transition into close friends after the relationship has ended. Sometimes, they serve as reminders of a past that we miss and make us unprepared to move on with a new relationship. Only by discussing with him and evaluating his actions will you be able to figure out where he falls.
So: stop obsessing and digitally stalking, and get right to the heart of the issue. The way you're behaving now is not healthy to either one of you.
Good luck.
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Rating: 4
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I didn't create a fake account. I just used someone elses. Trust me, I know what going overboard means. I know he doesn't still like her but Im worried she may still like him :/
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