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My husband is in the military and after 13 years he is separating due to medical reasons. He wants to move back to our hometown to be near both of our families, primarily his mother and aunt. Well, I am hesitate. I didn't have the best childhood due to both of my parents being alcoholics. They both still drink heavily and can get violent and emotional when doing so. My oldest brother still lives in the area and drinks excessively as well. To top it off, my sister-in-law and her husband live about an hour away and love to drink and party and are somewhat open swingers. Their sexually active 15 year old daughter is free to do as she pleases and their 12 year old son is often left on his own. While I respect my husband for wanting to be near his mother and his disabled aunt, I am having a hard time dealing with the fact of being near the rest of our family. While it would be nice to be near family, this is not the situation I have envisioned. I don't want our children thinking drinking excessively and having multiple partners is okay. Should I accept the fact we are moving back and deal with the situation as it comes or continue trying to talk my husband into moving somewhere else? (link)
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I think it would be selfish to ask your husband NOT to be near his mother... You can voice your concerns, of course, but don't try to talk him out of it. Make a plan, instead.
You could live farther out from the area, but close enough he could easily drive to see his mom and aunt... an hour, maybe? Even half an hour out will remove you enough from the area that you have an excuse to NOT see your family, while your husband can still easily see his.
Or perhaps, instead, you need to tell YOUR family to stay away, since they are the problem. Or just don't tell them that you're coming to town, and if/when they find out, you tell them to stay away. I would assume that you don't really speak to them much as it is, given that you're not fond of them.
While it can be very daunting to have to confront people like that, you have to consider the implications to your family. If you don't want your children influenced by them, then you have to take a stand. It's really quite doable. My dad lives 15 minutes from me and we haven't spoken in over a year, now, because he's a stoner, a drunk, and I've never been fond of him.
There are many courses of action, here. Try to see them all and figure out a compromise for you and your husband.
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Rating: 5
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Please accept our thanks. We decided to move closer, but far enough away that chronically drunk people would have to risk DUIs to show up unannounced. :)
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