Member Since: July 3, 2013
Answers: 130
Last Update: October 3, 2016
Visitors: 6518
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My husband is in the military and after 13 years he is separating due to medical reasons. He wants to move back to our hometown to be near both of our families, primarily his mother and aunt. Well, I am hesitate. I didn't have the best childhood due to both of my parents being alcoholics. They both still drink heavily and can get violent and emotional when doing so. My oldest brother still lives in the area and drinks excessively as well. To top it off, my sister-in-law and her husband live about an hour away and love to drink and party and are somewhat open swingers. Their sexually active 15 year old daughter is free to do as she pleases and their 12 year old son is often left on his own. While I respect my husband for wanting to be near his mother and his disabled aunt, I am having a hard time dealing with the fact of being near the rest of our family. While it would be nice to be near family, this is not the situation I have envisioned. I don't want our children thinking drinking excessively and having multiple partners is okay. Should I accept the fact we are moving back and deal with the situation as it comes or continue trying to talk my husband into moving somewhere else? (link)
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I can see why you want to protect your kids from negative influences in your family. If you do decide to move back to your hometown, however, one comforting thought is that kids are really more perceptive than you think. Just because they see someone behaving drunkenly or being nonmonogamous doesn't mean they will assume that that's the right way to behave for them. They will likely run into people like that eventually on their own, but your having the chance to be beside them to talk to them about your values makes it a guided learning experience rather than just being thrust into "the world" with no knowledge of what's out there.
If it's too much for you to be around, remember it's amazing how much easier it gets to avoid family members as you get older and have a family. Get the kids involved in things outside the house, activities and events where even if relatives would show up, they wouldn't show up drunk. If your family takes offense that you're spending more time with your husband's family, it might be possible to gently explain what influences you do and don't want around your kids, and they may find it worth sacrificing a few drinks to respect your wishes and see the kids.
Good luck!
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Rating: 5
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You make great points and I thank you SO much!
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