Gender: Female
Member Since: January 4, 2012
Answers: 235
Last Update: November 12, 2015
Visitors: 11389
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School, piles upon piles of homework, practice my instrument, practice for play, try on shoes to see if they fit, make my bed, clean my room, brush my teeth. Once it seems like I'm FINALLY free, for some me time,I gotta write some discussion questions for book club that my teacher FORCED everybody to do. Then comes stupid extra math that my teacher claims I gotta do because she has to “enrich my advanced mind" I'm not a genius, but apparently I have superior intelligence. I somehow end up with the “good parts" in stuff like plays. Most people think I'm lucky, but it seems like with all my work I can never just sit down. Being more than average isn't all what it's cracked up to be, you just gotta do extra work, and when you're good at stuff like music and theatre, you get good parts. But when you get good parts and things like that, you have to work and practice and push yourself. I love acting, and dancing, and singing, and art and music, and even reading, science, social studies, but I just wish I could lay down and not think about anything sometime. And I hate math, but because I'm starting to be good at it,I have to do more than required. There is no way out of it for me because if I quit, you know,I don't like to quit. I wanna live up to everyone's expectations, but sometimes I feel like everyone's expectations are too much. A perfect,pretty,talented,smart,amazing,remarkable… where does it end? (link)
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Just a disclaimer: I'm in a very similar situation to you right now, so I haven't completely followed all the advice I'm about to give you, but I'm certainly trying. Also, I'm guessing that you are in high school from what you wrote so that's where my advice is focused at.
The first thing that I want to address is everyone else's expectations. I used to be like you in the sense that I wanted to live up to everybody's expectations which seemed like such a hard task. It got to the point where some of my decisions rested on whether they would please my parents or my friends. I think that's the problem with most high-achieving teenagers now; they care so much that some their motivation comes from the desire to please others. Don't get me wrong, I don't see any problem with wanting to make others proud of you, but it is a problem when it comes to you going out of your way to please someone. I know it's easier said than done, but you should stop wanting to live up to everyone's expectations. I only say this because you sound like the type of person that is already self-motivated, and I think that if you focus less on what everybody else wants and focus more on what you want and expect from yourself, a lot of your stress will disappear. For example, when I was in 8th grade, I was bringing home mid-A's and a couple high-A's on my report card, and my mother used to ask why they weren't all 100's. I used to let this get to me, but one day I realized that I was approaching school in the wrong way. I stopped caring about what my parents expected for grades and instead gave myself personal goals. Believe it or not, I actually started to improve in school after I made it a point to study more for myself, not for my parents. As for my parents, they don't bug me anymore about school or any of my activities that I work hard for. I really think that if you can make the choice to let go of everyone's expectations, you won't feel so overwhelmed.
Another thing I want to talk about is toleration and having a big goal in life that you want to reach. It's funny how people always say to enjoy high school and have fun. I don't think high school is going to be the best time of my life, and I don't think this it is for people like us who work this hard. Yeah, we're young and some of it is fun, but there's a crazy amount of stress and frustration that average people don't understand. In my head, I tolerate all this craziness because I know that I am working for my future. I know that I want to become a doctor, and just about everything that I'm putting myself through now as a junior in high school is for that. I tolerate the late nights, the constant headaches that come from lack of sleep or food from skipping meals, the stress, everything because I know that it's going to be different someday. Your life is not going to be like this forever. Yes, obviously there will still be stress and craziness when we are all adults, but it will be different (and I'm really hoping that the different will be better for people like us). I really think that experiencing all this stress, pressure, and lack of relaxation is actually preparing us more for being adults (so if you can handle it now, it'll be easier later). Basically, just try to tolerate all this while knowing that things are going to change someday. Set a big goal for yourself and have all of this mean something, so it's not all for nothing. And honestly, I have no idea if any of this is true, but it's nice to have hope that the future will be better.
The next thing I want to talk about is relaxation. This might not work for you since I don't know your exact situation, but try to take some time for yourself, like "me-time" where you completely ignore everything else and do something that you enjoy. It could be every day for like 15-20 minutes or for a few hours every weekend. Just find some time and something that relaxes you and do it, even if it means cutting out some sleep time. For me, I enjoy reading and I have several TV shows that I like to keep up with. Sometimes, I will take an hour or two less of sleep for the week to have my "me-time" because, at least for me, I know that I prefer to have some down time to relax and clear my mind than to have that extra sleep. Try it and see if it helps.
Lastly, I just want to add about the quitting- to make your life easier, you don't have quit trying at everything. It's easier to find one or two things to give up to save time, especially if you're not enjoying it anymore. There's no point in wasting your time with being involved in something just for the sake of being in it.
I hope it helps to know that you're not alone with this feeling. It's hard to keep up with everything, and it's commendable that you care and try so hard. Just don't lose sight of the eventual product of all your hard work and keep it up.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you for the honesty of the preface to this! That makes the advice mean so much more to me and I can see how it is already helping my attitude towards things. Thank you!
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