Here's the thing: I'm sixteen years old and I really like this guy who's twenty four. You don't need to tell me.. I know. It's bad. Let me start off by saying that it's not a sexual/physical kind of attraction. I mean yes, he's attractive. But that's beside the point.
I'm sure the majority of you are wondering, how could I have even gotten at all involved with someone of his age? The thing is, he's one of the youth leaders at my church. Yeah, I know. You don't have to say it. I know it's terrible. And don't me wrong, I don't plan on doing anything at all, anytime soon. I don't even think I'll ever tell him. At least not until I'm eighteen.
Look, I know it's wrong. I totally get that. It's inapproprate, I totally get that. But there's still that part of me that believes I have a chance with him (not now, of course, but) let me tell you why. Let me start by saying I could be totally wrong about these. But: He's hugged me, totally on his own, without me even needing one. He's joked around with me, while playfully hitting my hand. We've talked on Facebook about how people in today's society need to stop judging people and let them do what they want with who they want. Also, he's sent me smiley faces. But I'm sure that's nothing. Anyways, I've caught him looking at me and looking away right when I do. We've had moments where we look at each other for a while, etc. Whatever, a lot has happened. My point is, it sometimes slightly seems like there's... something there. But at the same time, of course, he's a youth leader. He's a pastor's kid. He's naturally and supposed to be nice. But I seriously feel like some of those things... they're unexplainable. Y'know?
Anyways, like I said, I'm not going to do anything and I'm not going to tell him. I definitely don't want to do anything to get him in trouble or ruin whatever it is that he and I DO have. So I'm definitely waiting for any of that. But there's still that part of me that really likes him. He's so real. And so chill. I don't even know for sure if I want to tell him in the future, for fear of losing him as a friend. Or an accquaintance. Or whatever he is. But at the same time, I've noticed those little things, as aforementioned. You can't tell me that any other youth leader would act that way towards any teen girl. But then again, I could totally be wrong about all of that; although I don't think I am.
I am totally, completely and most definitely over thinking all of this. And I know that. I'm just not sure of what to do about it. Hell, I'm not going to do ANYTHING about it yet. But it's just so hard to hold this inside. Especially when I see him at church and such. And what am I supposed to do when he does something else a little.. "off"? Obviously I can't say or do anything about it!
In conclusion, I really like this guy. And the little things, not gonna lie, I don't hate any of them. Haha. But it's going to be hard waiting like 1.5 years until it'll be okay to tell him how I really feel. But how can I even know for sure that he feels the same way? He SOMETIMES acts like it, sometimes. But what it all comes down to is if how I feel is going to ruin everything. I'm not exactly sure what "everything" is in this case. I'll figure that out later.
And in your answers, please don't restate themes like "only time will tell" or "if it's meant to be, it will happen". They're both true, no doubt about that. But I'm looking more for an answer that will really help me solve all of this.
I'm really sorry this was so long and I really appreciate you guys taking the time to read all of this. Even if it's all stupid.
Overall, I don't want to bluntly tell you that you're overthinking this but you have to realize from a 3rd person point of view, what you described is the one thing you're fearful of. The fact that you're 16 and he's 24 is a big sign right there. I know that most guys wouldn't take a younger girl very seriously. Honestly. They might be into it for the fun of it, but when it comes down to business, they don't want any part of it. I think you're smitten by an older guy and you're looking for excuses to tell yourself that you're into him. Smileys don't really mean much as I have spoken to normal guy friends and they are friendly and send smileys through facebook. I wont deny that you have a connection. You really do and I'm happy for you that he gives you positive vibes. But I don't want you to get your hopes up for something that's highly unlikely. Sometimes we want to feel that we're one in a million, but if everyone felt like that, then we're really all just the same. Yeah I know that was a bit depressing advice. I just want you to be careful with your feelings. Waiting till youre 18 doesnt really make a difference in telling him because he will be 26. No answer can really solve your problems, it's all in the mind and how you choose to perceive your reality.
[view]
(Rating: 4)
I totally realize that I'm over thinking it. And that's a huge part of my problem. I really appreciate your honestly, make no mistake about that. It did hurt, not gonna lie. Like I said, sometimes I seriously feel like I'm not imagining these things. And I disagree, I don't think I'm looking for excuses to tell myself I like him. I know how I feel. But I at least want him to know in a couple years. I don't KNOW if anything will happen or not, but it'll be a sort of release of emotion for me and I feel like I'll feel a lot better once I let it out. Y'know? Like I said, really appreciate your time and honesty. (And you were a little nicer about it than the other answerer). I might ask you individually about it again if anything else happens, but just know that you really did help, even though it made me want to punch a wall :) haha
|
