You ask your question, I give you advice. That's all there is to it.
Gender: Female
Member Since: April 12, 2011
Answers: 460
Last Update: September 7, 2014
Visitors: 21432
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Hi, i believe im struggling with depression. i think i've had this for about 2 years now.
when i was younger i used to tell myself that i will never smoke and i didn't understand why people smoke such stinky stuff. however tonight, i just smoked 3 cigarettes in one sitting by myself. and now im craving for another.
i have trouble sleeping at night and during the day, i refuse to wake up and go out of the house. i've become a recluse and im missing classes.
a while ago, a friend slept over at my house and i guess she was trying to make small talks so she asked 'tell me your happy memories'. such a simple question, but i just stared at her and couldnt even get a word out. when she fell asleep a while later, i went out of the house and cried.
i have nights when i will just cry unconsolably. i'll just listen to slow songs, switch off my lights and lay on the floor in total darkness and cry.
fortunately, i've never contemplated suicide. not once. but when i see cars, i imagine them hitting me and that thought makes me happy? im not sure if that is suicidal thoughts, but i always think that if an accident were to happen to me, i would be fine with it.
i think that i do have depression at this moment, but i've never asked for help. i dont think my friends here know that i have these moments. i know i should ask for help or ask people what to do, but for some reason my pride or ego or whatever stops me.
in my college, there is a counselling service, but it requires you to make an appointment due 2 weeks later. i've applied for it tons of times, but by the time 2 weeks have come by, i will usually have talked myself into not having depression etc.
i know why im struggling with this, and i know what i need to do, but for some reason, i just cant muster the will to do anything.
thank you for reading this. i just need someone to tell me that i am strong enough to hang on and im okay. (link)
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No matter how hard things get, everyone is strong. They just have to find where their strength lays. There's nothing wrong with not being afraid to die, it just means you've accepted what will eventually come to everyone. Life is short enough as it is, don't you agree? So there is no need to shorten it any more than it already is. As for your happy moments, I'm sure you have them, as I believe everyone does. The only problem is.. is that everyone counts all their problems, pains, and sufferings, and are too caught up in that, that they never stop and count their happiness and joys. If you feel sad and want to cry, it's alright. I believe it helps alleviate some of the stress and burdens you bare if not all of it. As for the counseling, if is entirely up to you. It may not hurt to have someone to talk to that won't judge you, or get overly worked up about how you're feeling. You are strong, just seems you yourself need to believe it. So believe it, and yourself.
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Rating: 4
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thanks for your reply. ill try my best to be stronger
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