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Hey there, I'm Luciana.
I love helping people, (Which is why I became a doctor.) and if you have a problem, just send me a message, and I'll be happy to help. :)

advice

Hey there. I'm writing here bc im in need of advice. I'm turning 21 next month. Female. Ever since I can remember, my mom has been extremely involved. She has really pushed me bc she's wanted to know everything about my life. I've let her in, maybe too much. It has gotten to a point where she's very controlling and when she doesn't get her way, she gets extremely upset. Last year, I dyed my hair dark brown. I'm naturally a light brown. But when I was about 17, he insisted that I go blonde. I listened to her and i never questioned the way I look. But, looking back, I really don't like myself as much with blonde hair. I like my natural color or even a little darker. I look relatively young. I'm very petite and i have a very youthful looking face. I don't really drink a lot, I don't smoke and perhaps that has contributed to the fact that i look younger compared to a lot of people around me. Everywhere I go, people always ask me how old I am and swear that I look so young. It gets REALLY old when u hear it EVERY day. When my hair was brown, it made me look a little bit older and I wasn't being asked every single day about my age. I went back to brown last month and she told me if I didnt dye it at least a dark blonde she would never speak to me again. She was crying, throwing things, and having a tantrum. I dyed it to dark blonde so she would stop. But needless to say, I'm constantly being asked my age again and getting gasps. Nice, but old! Don't get me wrong. There's nothing wrong with looking young. But, I'm 21. I want to feel sexy. I want to feel like a woman. Last year, I also had extensions. I needed them for a while, but they were on way 2 long. I recently took them off and now my mom won't let me leave the house without clip ins. It just makes me want to cry. You may say fight with her and let her have a tantrum. But, u don't know how she gets. She is out of control. She is scary. I want to have my hair brown for my birthday which is next month. And i don't want any extensions. I hate them. They hurt and they bother me. She doesn't understand anything. When I tell her I like my hair dark she says that if I change back to dark, she will cut herself and enroll herself in a mental institution. You have no idea what I put up with every day. Our relationship has improved so much. I don't want to ruin it. But, if I don't have my own independence to do what I want to my own hair at 21, what is next?

Hello there. I think your mum started out with the intention of making you happy and keeping you safe. Call me cliched, but that's what every parent wants. However, I think her concern has become obsessuve-neurotic control.

My suggestion, especially since you mentioned that your relationship is particularly good now, is to sit down and speak to her openly.

Listen to her thoughts on why she suggests the way she does. Then explain your feelings in what we call the 'sandwich' method. Compliment her first, tell jet you appreciate the fact that she takes time to give you advice and help you with your problems.

Then go on by delicately and tactfully explaining why you sometimes you would like to make your own decisions. Tell her that you understand that whatever she tells you is in your best interest. Open communication is vital. Listen and understand what your mother tells you. Finish off by emphasizing that you appreciate her and that you love her.

I'd really love to know if this helped. I wish you all the best. God bless :)

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