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This is really painful, I can't even find a word that sums up exactly how I feel.
I'm having a really hard time coming to grips with the fact that the person I fell in love with isn't really who I thought they were. It was an act. It was real for me; everything I said to him - how I felt.. was real. But I didn't mean nearly as much to him as he does to me. It was all fake, at least that's the conclusion I've come to.
I've known him for almost four years now. We started dating about 2 years ago, and it's been on and off. It started off really good, and then just went downhill from there. My best friend, who lives in Missouri (we're in Texas), told me he was texting and calling her telling her he loved her and wanted her to come back to Texas. It lasted literally our whole relationship which lasted about three months, and it was extremely stressful. I wanted to believe both of them. But I eventually ended up breaking up with him because he lived about 20 minutes away and neither of us has a car so we hardly saw one another. He would go days, even a week or so sometimes, without talking to me. And I'd never say anything just to keep peace; I didn't want to be a "bitchy" girlfriend. But I finally had enough and ended it. We kept in touch every once in awhile.
He would say things like "I don't even want a girlfriend right now unless it's you". So I kept talking to him to see if he wanted to try things again, but things never moved forward. He'd still talk to me and tell me how he felt about me, but I sensed something wasn't quite right. Back in October I went to MEPS for the Army and they put me in a hotel the night prior to going so we could all go at once. On this day he was texting me that I was the only girl he wanted. I got on the computer at the hotel and went on Myspace (which I deleted after this incident, it hurt so much) and saw that his profile picture had changed. It was of him and a girl laying in his bed. I went to his pictures and there was a whole album of him and his new girlfriend. My whole body tingled, my hands got clammy, and I felt like I was going to throw up all over the keyboard. I felt my heart constrict in my chest. He had JUST been telling me a few hours ago I was the only girl he wanted. I texted him saying "You had me fooled, don't ever talk to me again". He never responded. It's all I thought about at MEPS the next day.
Almost five months later, In February, he found me on Facebook (I'm sure he'd noticed I'd deleted my Myspace, he loves getting ahold of me way AFTER he hurts me). He posted on my wall saying "Wow, this is crazy I was just looking for you on this sh-t the other day". He had slithered his way back into my life..
Between February and now, there was about a two month period where we didn't speak. Then he called me on May 31 and we talked for maybe four hours or so. Let me sum up what he told me:
He said he was so in love with me; that he wanted to marry me, and have kids with him someday.
Now elaborate that to fit four hours of conversation. If you've been in a relationship then you know the little things we said to each other, that's just a summary. I didn't want to believe him, but I did. Because I love him.
Now he's ignoring me again. His ex girlfriend I knew from years ago found me on Facebook and called me. What a coincidence, right? She asked if I still talked to him, so I told her everything. It felt good to talk to someone who understood how he was. She had an app on her iPhone that makes up a fake number so you can text or call someone without them having your real number. She was texting him and in those texts he denied saying he wanted to marry me, and then he had his GIRLFRIEND text her telling her to "leave her man alone".. This is the second time he's had a girlfriend behind my back. He wanted to marry me?? While he's got a girlfriend?? I was so pissed and hurt I started crying. She said "Do you want me to call him on three-way so you can hear it for yourself?" and I said yes.
I listened in and he had no idea. I heard every word. "She's f**kin' crazy! She's obssessed with me, I think she likes that I don't like her. If I'm gonna marry ANYONE it'll be the girl I'm with now, I'm in LOVE with her!"...
....He called me, remember.. he's the one who poured his heart out first.. how am I crazy?
Another thing that makes this even worse is that I had sex with him after we had that long conversation and I found out a week ago that I came up positive for Chlamydia. So not only did he cheat on his new girlfriend with me, who he said he wants to marry, but he gave me an std. She has it too now, I'm sure. But she'll just have to learn about him the hard way like I did, right?
On top of this, remember that "best friend" I had? Well, he showed his phone to me and she was texting him things of a sexual nature. I'm not friends with her anymore, obviously. It made me think "how long has THAT been going on without my knowledge??".
So I'm leaving on the 20th for basic training. All of this happened within the same two weeks.
It hurts so much. Everything he has ever told me was probably a lie. He cheated on me, and had girlfriends behind my back.. and all the while he was pretending to love me. I think I fell in love with a "character". Nothing more than an act. And my best friend betrayed me. I got screwed over by two MAJOR people in my life so close together.
He tried to get ahold of me the other night, but I ignored the attempt. He's actually probaby part of the statistic of mentally abusive people out there, I most likely need therapy because of the things he's told me and done to me over time. And how controlling he is.. What do I do now? How do I begin to move on? Should I even say anything to him? He supposedly thinks I'm crazy, so I should just keep up my progress of not talking to him right? Am I nuts for even caring about this, am I crazy?????? :'( Please help... (link)
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You're not nuts for caring. You were hurt. You will think about this for quite a while. The truth is there are some people out there who get their kicks from screwing with other people's heads and you managed to pick one of those people for your boyfriend. Its ok to feel betrayed. Its not ok to ever go back to this guy, talk to him, listen to him or believe him ever again. He is a proven liar and slimeball. He picked you to mess with because he sensed a certain weakness about you, a certain desire to be loved so badly that you would put up with a lot of junk. He honed in on you and used you and you have the proof. You did the right thing by not talking to him. Keep doing that. You'll just have to do this cold turkey. You are hurting so much right now, you can't trust yourself to not be taken in by his lies again, so just stay away. For good. Go to training, learn how to find your inner strength and become more confident in who you are and what you believe. When you develop that confidence and set goals for your life that you are serious about acheiving, the right man will come along when you least expect it and he will be honest and kind, something this recent guy most certainly is not. Good luck.
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