Member Since: May 3, 2011
Answers: 1053
Last Update: December 12, 2012
Visitors: 35220
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Ok so my name is Melinda Grace but everyone calls me 'Gracie'and Im 13. And lately my dad's been really unfair to me and my twin sis Lissa because he let's our older brother Matt do whatever he wants but he doesn't let us do anything and he grounds us all the time. Like how a couple days ago Matt heard me tell Lissa about this boy that I really like. He gave me his phone number and I think he wants me to be his girlfriend. But when matt heard me tell that to lissa he told my dad that I had a boyfriend and I was hanging around boys all the time at school. So dad got all mad and took my phone and started to read the text messages that 'my boyfriend' sent. All the messages said was that he thought I was cute and he wanted to kiss me, they weren't even that bad. But dad started yelling at me sayin how I was too young to be flirting and talking to boys and that I shouldn't even be thinkin about boys. Bbut I wasn't even flirting and what's wrong with talking and thinkin about boys?! So dad kept yellin and I started to walk away and he grabed my arm and keeped yellin at me so I screamed at him to let me go and now he took my fone and my laptop so now I hav to sneak and use Lissa's and I'm grounded 'until furter notice'. Its just soo unfair! Matt has a different girlfriend every week and all dad does is laugh and joke with him saying how matt's jus like dad was when he was he's age but if I even think about havin a boyfriend dad goes nuts! That's not fair! Matt's only 3 years older that's not much of an age difference. Is it bcuz I'm a girl? What do I do to make Dad understand? Isn't he being mean and showing favorism just because Matt is a boy? (link)
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Here is what is going on:
Your brother is a fink. Tell his friends and everyone else that he's a narc and can't be trusted. That ought to cool his jets. If my brother ever pulled that crap on me I would have put him in the hospital.
Okay, now realize that you're 13, first of all. Your father knows that the objective of adolescent males is to bone you so that they can brag about it to their buddies and "put points on the board". You may not have any intention of allowing them to do so, but your dad just can't handle that prospect. He also has a narcissistic thing going on, being afraid that you will become the town tramp if he doesn't keep the screws on you and embarrassing him.
Keep in mind that the media, especially local news, has been pushing fear in a big way the last few years and this has led to many parents helicoptering their kids (controlling their lives to an obsessive extent) out of what is mainly irrational level of fear ginned up in the media.
Now I don't think you did anything wrong here and your dad did not handle this like a mature adult. By the same token, teens have poor impulse control (your brain is still developing at this point and so the little voice that moderates impulse isn't that well refined yet) and aren't good at judging the full array of possible consequences of their actions. Their native insecurity also makes them subject to peer pressure instead of looking at it as they are the only ones who can live their lives and not to allow others to make decisions for you.
So take all these considerations into account and then talk to your dad about it. He has to relax because if he doesn't, he is going to totally undermine his authority through seeming so panicky. He needs to be more of a manager in questions like this instead of a dictator.
In response to that, you have to prove that you are capable of not needing to be shackled by acting responsibly and reasonably. That is the deal parents want with their children. Are you ready to really do it? Because once, and I mean ONE TIME, you show that you can't handle independence it will be snatched away from you. That is the way the world works.
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Rating: 5
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Thanks! I'll keep your advice in mind when I talk to my dad. Im still grounded and Dad is still mad at me but when he calms down i'll talk to him. Thank You soo much! And I love what you said about my brother. HAHA!
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