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Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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OK to start off I've worked with this girl for about four or five months now and we've just recently started full-on talking like a month and a half ago.
SO - We had been talking pretty intensively and I started to become interested in her, so I took the bold route and just came out and told her how I felt, her response was "I'm not really looking to DATE anyone right now because I had just ending things with my ex" Which is completely understandable and I told her I was ok with it because I didn't want to rush into anything either, and we've still been talking just as regularly ever since...
My question is, do you think there is a possibility she feels the same about me? (link)
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About a snowballs chance in hell. Maybe. Probably a little under that.
Now, I'm going to tear you apart a little. Sorry. But we can rebuild you. We can make you better, faster, smarter.
You probably fucked this up before you ever started talking. You certainly fucked it up by talking to her for a month and then "boldly announcing your interest" to her.
Lets take this from her probable perspective. The quiet guy at work warmed up a little bit and she thought you were nice to talk to until her work buddy started professing his noble intentions to court her which she was completely uninterested in, and now it's a little weird because she's pretty sure you didn't take the hint with your "well I don't want to rush into anything either" response so now she's dreading the next round of your advances.
I could spend the next hour typing out everything you need to know and don't about interpersonal chemistry, but what it comes down to is if you have to tell a girl you're interested you've fucked up.
Your body language and tone should tell her you're interested. They should tell her you're comfortable with who you are, where you are, and what you're doing. In order for that to happen, you have to actually be comfortable.
Talk to women. Learn to compliment them without coming off as goofy. Be friends with this chick and get to know her, if you get close enough you can ask her questions when you're trying to avoid making an ass out of yourself with other girls. Girls love giving guys romance advice to be used on other girls. Just ask any female who answers questions here.
Learn body language. Look girls in the eye when you speak to them, pay attention to their expressions and movements. Are they fidgeting, bored glazed eyes, are they interested and attentive? It takes time, but people wear their emotions on their faces and if you spend enough time seeing reactions you start to get a feel for whats really going on. Chemistry is about two people who feel attracted and express it to each other at the same time. It's about that electric feeling you get when you realize that someone you like likes you back.
Speeches don't do that. "I want to be your boyfriend here's a list of why I think you're awesome" doesn't do that. Well timed compliments, long conversations about topics of mutual interest, eye contact and flirting do that.
A month later telling a girl you like her...
When Chemistry happens girls don't walk away thinking about how sweet your expression of romantic sentiment was, they think about the look and the smile you gave them that sent their heart racing. This happens early, or not at all.
Everyone has to find their own way to do it. No one can tell you how to be yourself, but charming, confident, and/or sexy. But if you spend a bunch of time practicing and paying attention you'll figure it out like most other people.
When in doubt, ask friends for feedback. Those who know you can most easily tell you where you should improve when you can't figure it out. If you don't have any friends you trust to give you that feedback, go talk to alot more girls and get to know them as friends.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you, this helped loads... I guess you're right, I did screw it up. No big deal though, I'm not going to waste my time on something I messed up - Thanks for the future advice though!
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