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I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
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I am fifteen. I am currently in a relationship with a great guy. I have known him since August and we spend a lot of time together. He makes me feel so special. He compliments me, accepts me, and treats me right. He is patient with my insecurities and I feel like we could be together for a long time because of our strong chemistry. Our relationship has lasted two months so far, and I could never be happier!
We are physical in our relationship. We kiss a lot but I am uncomfortable with making out so he told me he will wait. He loves to cuddle and hug and he is never pushy but very understanding. Still, I find him often staring at my breasts. I take it as a compliment, but some days I just feel like that's all he cares about. Sometimes when I am talking his eyes are glued to my chest. It hurts a little but I know guys will be guys. He really wants to see my boobs but I have told him I am not ready, and again he assures me he will wait. Still, I feel skeptical. I feel like if I do show him my breasts, even if he is pleasured, the relationship will turn more into physical love and fade out of the spark it is now. But I feel like if I don't do it, he will grow tired of waiting and get bored with me.
He assures me I have nothing to worry about. He is so caring and sweet.
What do you suggest I do? Are my insecurities from past relationships getting to my head? (link)
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Talk to him about it. In a calm "you really need to stop this, you can stare all you want when we aren't talking and you think I'm not paying attention" kinda way.
When I was a teenager at the age we were all getting into dating seinfeld taught us "Cleavage is like the sun, you don't stare into it, you get a sense of it and you look away!"
Hormones tell us to stare. Learning not to be jackasses tells us not to. Without learning, we stare, so teach him that it's rude and that he needs to learn to keep his mind on where his eyes are.
Some guys pick this up through osmosis, some guys get slapped, but I can't think of a guy I know who didn't have to learn this at some point. Help him grow up a little.
Also, trust him. If you aren't ready you aren't ready. He says he's willing to wait. Let him know that you appreciate his patience and that it's alright if he wants to keep talking about it. Don't make it a subject you can't talk about, just set your lines and don't cross them when you aren't ready to.
Also, no, don't just flash him. Honestly, that's going to make things worse. The ultimate drive behind this is sex. Even if he himself isn't ready for it that's what the hormones and his attraction are telling him to go for.
If you show yourself partially naked he's just going to want to see the rest. Everything you do to take the mystery away right now is one more thing he's going to want every chance he gets purely because he's not going to be entirely satisfied by anything less than significant sexual contact.
It's one more thing he has to force himself not to think about so he can work on not being a jackass.
You're going to take things in stages to some degree, but don't just inch into it like you're dipping a toe in a cold pool. Keep things above the clothes until you've decided your ready to let his hands roam. Don't take off the clothes until you're ready to take all of them off. If all you're ready for is taking your top off, you're really not ready to step into anything more sexual than kissing.
On your side, if you don't want to find yourself nibbling away at your own reasonable comfort zone as you give him hope for more while you're just trying to keep him happy, the relationship will die.
Be honest. Be up front. With both him and yourself. Don't take off your clothes until you're doing it because you're ready and willing. The same goes for everything else.
In an absolute worst case scenario, you will not regret losing a guy because he wanted or needed more than you were ready for at 15. You will get over it. You will find another guy. You will love him more than you love this guy (because as you grow so does the complexity of the love and appreciation you are capable of giving others) and you will be perfectly fine.
I know how condescending that is to say. I don't care. You're 15, this guy is not the end of the line for you if you break up, and if you stick it out and he stays you will feel ten times better about yourself and this relationship. You're creating habits that can last a lifetime without significant self awareness and painful efforts to work to change. Don't start out your dating life giving guys sex for attention.
Trust me. It works. It works really well. Thing is, it attracts a certain sort of guy who really, really wants you to want him to like you.
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Rating: 5
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Thanks so much. Your answer was very specific and so well detailed. I will definitely use your advice. I appreciate it!
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