I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
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Last Update: February 5, 2012
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Hi..I'm a 23 y/o female. I've come here to explain my story and hope.. i can find some sort of closure to what's on my mind. I..about..4 weeks ago have been seeing this guy, hes 27. No kids, and his last relationship was a while ago (4-5)years. He's a good guy, picks me up, takes me out. He won't let me pay for anything. We strictly only hang out on the weekends because he works during the week.. early. My schedule is all over the place so it doesn't matter for me, but i wait for those weekends to hang out with him. We've gone out 5 times..and i know it seems weird to take advice so soon, its just, im trying to protect myself from being hurt (once again). See thats my thing, i'm USED to being hurt, falling to fast, questioning everything. I guess you could say now that im a bit paranoid.. and it sucks. So anyway, this last date we had, we went for dinner about almost an hour away, and drove back into town. We then got a room somewhere and you know the story..the next day we went our seperate ways and hung out later that night to the see a movie. I want to know if he wants to make this exclusive. I don't know if i should wait for him to ask me.. orrr if i should be the one to ask about it? I'm not the type to sleep around. I'm pretty sure he likes me but.. we all know sex can change things drastically sometimes. It can make it.. or break it. I wasn't putting me ALL into it, for the mear fact that my neck is sprained lol.. but..I'm not sure how he really feels. It the day after the movies and i text him.. but nothing back. I'm just afraid that's all he wanted??.. and that scares me the most. I like him a lot.. but i feel that my wall needs to rebuild itself all over again if that's all it's going to be. could this be another heartbreak? or is it something to try to pursue? I shouldn't feel afraid to ask.. i mean life's to short anyway right?... but why am i?.. (link)
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So, did you sleep with him? Is "hanging out" code for sex? If yes, there's your problem. You keep getting hurt because you put sex before a relationship. You put the cart before the horse and expect to go somewhere. If you want an exclusive relationship with ANY man you have to take sex off the table until that relationship has developed. Guys are physical creatures. Its not sexist. Its just biology. If you want a man to take the time to get to know you (and love you) then you sure don't give him the one thing he wants more than anything up front. Yes, if you had sex and you aren't even dating and he's not texting you or making an effort to contact you, that's all he wants. Sorry to be blunt, but I feel you deserve some honesty here. Break this off and start thinking about what it is you want from a relationship, and how you can set healthy boundaries for yourself so that the men you are interested in don't think you're just a cute hook-up. Don't even ask him. He's clearly not into you as a girlfriend. Back off and let him wonder. If he cares, he'll ask you what's going on, and then you can be honest with him. If he doesn't care, well, thank God you got rid of him before you fell any deeper into this black hole of emotions.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you for your advice...
I know your right, I shouldn't even sweat it anyway. I guess I just find it extremely hard to find someone remotely...what I'm looking for and the minute I think I do... I fuck it up lol. I appreciate your input, and about the blunt thing? i rather someone be blunt and honest with me than sugar coat it. So.. thank you!
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