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Hey guys. I need some wisdom right now, and I would prefer people with experience in long term relationships/marriage to answer this, though other opinions are welcome. I have been dating my boyfriend for about three years now. We love eachother, and I'm certain he cares a great deal for me. Back when we started dating, he had a best girl friend. She was basically his ex from way back when, and the relationship lasted a couple months. He says they weren't intimate but did small things like kissing. She was madly in love with him, and tried to break us up. We then took a break because he was confused after she tried to convince him desperately that she was the one for him. He ended up picking me, and cut her off.... after a while they stared talking again. And this is what has been happening the past 2 and a half years
Everytime he cuts her off its for like various months. This time though, he contacted her through Facebook asking how she was. Now, she says she has a bf, but is it wrong for me to feel that this girl Is untrustworthy? He says she's his best friend and he wants to be friends only... I don't trust her, and I don't like her because she doesn't acknowledge me. I've tried being friends with her, but she was too stuck up.. I'm not telling him to stop talking to her, even though I would love for him to. What should I do? Should I cope with it? How do I cope with it? any advice will be appreciated! ** I also wanted to add the reason I got upset about The contact was because he contacted her out of nowhere. why was she even on his mind? And he got a gift from her way before he and I started dating, yet she cares enough to ask what happened to that chain and that He better take care of it. would you be jealous about this? Thanks in advance! (link)
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I think you have good reasons to feel suspicious. Listen to your gut on this one. (BTW, I'm married 12 yrs). First of all, you guys have all that history. Second, she's never indicated anything other than the fact that she wants to be his girlfriend again. Third, she is not YOUR friend and clearly doesn't want to be. Fourth, clearly your bf doesn't want her to be your friend either, as he has made no effort to include you in his communications with her. Even if his intentions are nothing but to be friends with her, he has to see that it hurts you. You guys have been together for 3 years! If he loves you, he'll sacrifice that old relationship for the sake of the one he is in. You're going to have to have a clear talk with him. Sit down at a peaceful time, not a time when you're already arguing or upset, just a regular old time when you are just hanging out. Tell him calmly about how you feel about the whole situation and it makes you uneasy and distant. Try to keep it limited to how YOU feel, not just what he does because that can sound accusatory and then melt down into an argument. But explain to him your worries and tell him you need to know what is so important to him about this girl that he would risk his relationship with you for her. If he just wants to be friends, why doesn't he encourage a friendship between the two of you as well? Be ready to listen to what he has to say, openly and willingly, even if it hurts. Be prepared for his answers as well. You may not hear what you hoped to hear, but at least you'll know where things stand.
Now.... that's my objective opinion. But you wanna know what my gut says? I think he's wondering "what if" about this girl, and that's dangerous. I think he never really got closure on that relationship, she obviously never got over him. It sounds to me like he may have feelings for her. Maybe I'm wrong. If I am, then that's great for you. But if I'm right its not fair for him to keep you in the dark. And you also have to know that in matter of the heart, people can't always control what their feelings do. But they can control how they treat those around them. Bottom line, you deserve a little better than your getting. Its time for a re-evaluation.
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Very informative. I appreciate your advice. Just so I can get a bit of more opinion, he wants to tell her that she should add me and talk to me, but he says he knows I would get mad, and he's right. I don't want her to, after all the drama and her not accepting my proposal as a friend. So it's not that he hasn't encouraged a friendship between her and I, it's just we tried and it didn't work out. Her personality clashes with mine. Anywho, if this changes anything, do you mind writing back to me on bgm2191@gmail.com? Thank you! Or just inbox me: Uniq_The_Geek
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