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I don't understand why is it that bad having a good relationship with your tutors at University. Curently, I am 25 and i am in the second year of my studies (second degree) and all my tutors are cool but, one of them is brilliant and i undersdant him better than the others, I respect and admire him because he has this passionate way of teaching, he is taff sometimes but very helpful. One thing that is wierd is that he looks like my dad whom i lost when i was young,he reminds me of him a lot, sometimes with his movements, i was shocked in the first year but i am used to him now. I am a direct person and I am so proud he is my tutor that spontanously i told him that, this university is worth it just because we have a brilliant tutor like him that motivates us do more reaserch for his module and actually made me like what i am studying, and i also told him that he reminds me my dad a lot. but it was spontaneus and without thinking, with no harm.( But i think i was wrong telling him that) He is the opposite sex. I do admire him but i don't have a crush on him, honestly, but sometimes i have the feeling that he thinks i have feelings for him, because he tries to avoid me, e.g. We have an essay and i emailed him like usually saying 'Sir I would like you to explain me a bit more the question and advice me what books to use, so when can i come and see you in ur office" and he emailed me trying to explain the question and said if you need more help you can email me back again, and because an email is not enough when i saw him next day after the seminar i said: Sir, can i see you for a moment and he said email me later, which was wierd because he was not like that before. I dont really like this situation and i really don't have a crush on him, i just want him to be like before, normal and friendly. How can I fix this? How can i make him understand that i am just impressed with him and i respect him and also admire him for the way he teaches us,and his wide knowledge, but not other feelings involeved? but really i wish he was my dad.. (link)
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You have to understand that in his position, it is probably quite common for his younger students to have a crush on him. It happens a lot. Being older, a professor, and probably someone who is in a relationship, he understands that he has to nip those things in the bud in order to maintain a good working environment. So even though you didn't at all mean your attention to come off like that, clearly that is how he took it. I suggest the "tackle and turn" approach... "tackle" the problem head on. Be very brave and your next session together just tell him before you start you just wanted to apologize (I dont' think an apology is really necessary, but its a good place to start) if you made him feel uncomfortable. You didn't mean to make him feel weird, you just wanted to know that you appreciate his help and how well he does his job and that you admire him, in big part because of how much he reminds him of your father. Say sorry, you didn't mean it to be weird, then "turn" away from the subject and never approach it again. Act like its done and gone and move on. And it does sound to me like you are asking for a bit too much one on one time with him. He was right to try to resolve your questions over email first. He may feel you are a bit too needy. And you do sound that way. Stop asking for so much one on one time and start trusting yourself more to put to use the skills he has taught you. Find comfort and admiration in other people outside of the classroom. Friends, family, activities. In a few weeks it will all go back to normal and you'll forget all about this awkwardness right now. Good luck.
P.S. - I got your feedback and it made things a little clearer for me. I hope you'll be able to find the courage to sit down with your professor and be as honest with him about what you were thinking as you were with me. I'm sure he'll understand.
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Thanks for the answer is a lot helpful, although i am not a needy person,i do everything by myself in life, i was not trying to get comfort on my tutor, family and friends are miles away and also i do ask from him to explain to me because English is not my mother language, i have been in here only a year and 4 months, excludind christmas, easter and all summer and i still can say that my english is bad, not enough good to understand lectures entirely. I actually send him an email just now, saying what you adviced me. Honestly, an email for the explanation of some essays or project is not enough, and i never had one to one tutorial with him although we are entitled to,as i didnt want to ask for help,but this year is very hard and the language is difficult, is phylosophy, it is hard even for people that know english perfectly to understand. I am not explaining myself in here, just making you understand better who i am. xx
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