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F-18
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now. I was only 15 and he was the first person that showed real interest in me. He is the only person i have dated or loved. But now we live together in our own apartment i have been living with him for almost a year now but we have only had our own apartment for about 6 months.
Within the past few months i have begun questionioning the relationship. Only because i have never been with anyone else and am wishing i could have dated around awhile before sticking with someone. I have never kissed or done anything with anyone else and all i can think about is what it would be like. I really want to try and date around for awhile before i become considered an adult and finish college. I want to be able to be a teenager and maybe go to a party or two. My boyfriend has kept me from drinking and as sweet as he is i lost alot of my friends due to that and the fact that it seems like i can't hangout with others.
up until July i could say we had an amazing relationship and loved every minute but now that i look deeper into it just because we never fight & seem to always get along doesn't mean its great. I want to go out with friends...unfortunately it seems like i only get along with guys and he won't allow me to hangout with guys. I would like to end the relationship i think just so i can stop being a shell and be the pearl i should be(got that from Katy Perry's song Pearl) i feel like i could be so much more and this relationship is holding me back from doing what i truly want to do. I don't know if i can break it off because of the fact that it has been three years and i don't want to waste it all and end up missing what i had.
I have recently befriended a guy i work with and he thinks i am awesome and i am trying to be his friend and not have to shut him out whenever he wants to hangout and play video games with me. (yes im kinda a nerd like that lol) So i have been playing video games with him and have been feeling myself pulling farther and farther away from my boyfriend unitentionally. i don't go to bed when he does anymore i just join later in the night and i don't cuddle i just sleep on my half and have the hardest time getting to sleep because all i can think about is our relationship and if its going to work.
I don't know if i can throw away 3 years of love, I'm not sure what we would do with our apartment for the next 6 months because neither of us can afford it on our own, And we bought a puppy together six months ago and im not sure who would get him. I think the main reason i havent broken it off is because of those 3 things i don't know what i would do without my pupppy.
Also we rarely ever have sex or anything virtually close to it. I cannot get turned on by him it seems almost impossible at first we would always be kissing and having fun but now it seems like we could try forever and never get me anywhere near horny enough to actually have sex comfortably. I have to force myself to do it every now and then like once every couple months which is pretty terrible.
Sorry i wrote a book but i really really need some form of advice. Please no rude comments or anything.
I talked to him the other day about it but it still doesn't seem to be okay with him that i want to hangout with people and how im feeling he doesn't understand...and the guy from work is nothing more than a friend i have yet to hangout with him i have just played games w/him and talk...about nothing i shouldn't either its purely innocent.
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You're growing.. you're changing. And you are seeing the effects of growth and change in your relationship. This is quite normal. What makes it so heavy for you is that you live together, and this is one reason why people as young as you should not enter into that kind of arrangement. Your life is going to change so much over the next 10 years. You won't even believe it! You are yearning to explore and express yourself and find out what is out there for you with new experiences and new people. But you've gotten yourself into a domestic situation that makes doing that hard. You're not a bad person. And you're not throwing away 3 years of puppy love. You two were there for each other when you needed someone, and that's special. You'll draw on the lessons you've learned with him for the rest of your life. But now your life is moving forward. Its time to put on your big girl panties and end this. Its not fair to you, but its REALLY not fair to him. He could be out there finding someone he has a real connection with and growing and changing himself, except he's stuck in a relationship that isn't working, and he doesn't even know it! You can do this. Be free. Learn about yourself, who you are, what you like, who you like. Be on your own. You'll never find true happiness with anyone else if you don't know how to be happy on your own first. That is a FACT. You are NOT bad. You are NOT wrong. You are growing into an adult. And one of things adults have to do is have the courage make good decisions, no matter how difficult it may be. You have simply grown apart from your BF. Its not his fault and its not yours. And yes, it will hurt to end it. You've invested a lot of time in each other, and you have shared a special connection. But moving on doesn't have to be a bad thing. It is possible to move on and know you learned all you could from this person, and be thankful that you had the opportunity to share a special part of your life with a special guy. Good luck. You will both be fine. I promise.
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