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So yesterday was me and my boyfriend's one year anniversary. I had a feeling he wasn't really gonna do anything, so I specifically asked him to plan something nice for us to do. But of course, he didn't. I went to his place and he was like sorry, I didn't plan anything. Wanna go see a movie? and I just went along with it..because I knew it would happen. I also put a lot of thought into the gift I got him (which he loved), baked him some peanut butter bars, and wrote him a really sweet letter. He got me a box of chocolate and was like "I was gonna get you Monopoly, but I didn't know if you alrready had it" (we play online together sometimes and its like an inside joke).
Anyway, point is that I was beyond disappointed and sad. I didnt say anything because whenever I say things about him like doing something wrong, he shuts down and says "I'm sorry I'm a terrible boyfriend" but like, not in an actual apologetic way. So how can I express that I'm sad without him shutting down like that? i just want him to try sometimes. How do I get him to try? I mean I asked him to plan something, I don't know how to be more blunt. Shouldn't he just want to/know to plan something for our one year anniversary? It's not the first time he's done something like this. He didn't get me anything for christmas last year (and i got him cute stuff) and i was sad. He never plans/does anything romantic. Please help! (link)
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I know it hurts, but the truth is this is one of those CLASSIC differences between guys and girls. Sure, SOME guys are romantic, but I think you'll find most guys just don't look at things that way. Girls are into that kind of stuff. We enjoy celebrating anniversaries and getting surprises. Guys don't think like us. They are totally clueless when it comes to "sentiment". I really don't believe it has anything to do with how he feels about you. He obviously cares. But he's a guy and what we think is cute is totally different from how guys think. He's just happy to be with you. In his guy world, just having you as a gf is gift enough. But us ladies like to give and receive appreciation. Its just the way we're wired. Honey, I've been married 11 years and I can count on one hand the number of "special" dates, gifts or surprises my husband has given me. And, just like you, I've felt hurt and unappreciated. But I came to realize that he just doesn't show love the way I do. So now, even though I STILL wish he'd plan an anniversary date every once in a while, I suck it up and do it myself, because I know that's the only way I'm going to get what I want. And he likes that because in the end, he only wants to see me happy, so he's willing to foot the bill and put in the time, as long as its something I really want to do. What made it easier for me was to start thinking of the ways he DOES show me he cares. It might not be that romantic, but he always lets me pick the movies we see. He always makes sure my oil is changed in my car. He'll give me money and tell me to buy an outfit I like (of course, by myself. Husbands don't shop either!) He'll compliment my appearance or help with chores he knows I hate to do. My point is, men show their love in different ways than we do. What things does your bf do that let you know he cares? Think about those things and concentrate on that. As far as the romantic stuff, be blunt! Like I said, guys can be clueless. They're not going to figure it out on their own. So if you know you want something special for Christmas or anniversary, give him a list of the top 3 things he can do and let him pick. I bet he would really appreciate that, because he'll be able to know for sure that whatever he does you'll like. He doesn't sound like a bad boyfriend. And you sound like a good girlfriend. I think you guys will do fine. Good luck!
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Rating: 5
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Thank you so much!
I really needed to hear that. and that is definitely a good idea. I really appreciate your help
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