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Q: So, I am 17f and I have never dated anyone. I feel that there are certain types of guys that I really just want to stay away from (liers, cheaters, players, guys that only want sex), basically all the kinds I know. I have met a guy that is sweet, kind, respectful, and loving towards me recently.. the only thing is, I have had a rough childhood (meaning I can take things to the heart, I am careful with who I chose as friends, and I can find it hard to open up to people sometimes), people have backstabbed/lyed to me, and my mom has been through two divorces. My question is how can I become closer to this guy without allowing myself to feel like I am holding back a little. He is understanding, loves me for who I am, and seems interested.. one time he asked if he could kiss me and I let him kiss me on the cheek, but I keep wondering if I should of kissed him on the lips or if that was holding back. I mean whats wrong with a kiss on the lips? I don't know.. do I hold back too much? What can I do to stop feeling like I do?
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I'm in the exact same position as you right now. Because I'm working through it too, I can't tell you the exact right way to stop yourself from holding back, but I can tell you how I'm dealing with it and that might help a little.
It's really hard, I know. I think you need to try to be yourself, and if you feel yourself putting a guard up, bring it back down. As far as the physical side of things goes, it's tricky. Although you should only do things when you're ready, sometimes you are ready but you're just too worried about how you'll be at it that you pull away. In these cases, it's best to just make yourself do it. For example, if you've got to the point where you really want to kiss him, but still feel yourself pulling away, just make yourself kiss him. You'll most likely be happy that you did.
I think you've got to take the relationship slowly, and try to stay in the present rather than thinking about the future of it. Don't take it too seriously and just enjoy things in the moment and for what the are. I know how hard it is to open up, don't push yourself into it but slowly begin letting your guard down, if you know what you mean. If he does something that makes you suddenly worry that he doesn't care (I'm the same way you've described yourself, and I know I can very quickly jump to thinking someone doesn't care because of a tiny little thing) remind yourself that you're a great person, and that he does care. Don't push him away because you're worried that he doesn't. Don't try to 'hurt him before he has the chance to hurt you' (I do this all the time and it's ruined all possible relationships). Just try to stay strong, positive, live in the moment and take things slowly.
I hope I havn't rambled on too much and have been clear. If you want any more advice or want me to explain anything further, just message me, I'll be happy to help.
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No, you havn't rambled on at all, haha.. thanks!
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Info
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Website: Gender: Female Location: Norfolk, England Occupation: A-Level Student Age: 18 Member Since: March 11, 2006 Answers: 162 Last Update: September 14, 2011 Visitors: 10939
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