about

I'm a qualified colour therapist and I'm doing a course in psychotherapy and councelling. i have the letters SNHS after my name which means i have a diploma from The School of Natual Health Sciences.
I have life experience in mental health, agoraphobia,bullying,parents divorce.


advice

How do i set limits on lending someone money? My ex-boyfriend and best friend is a great guy (wonderful) but he borrows money frequently. He will borrow money weekly if he thinks I have any cash.

He borrows large and small amounts; he simply asks for whatever amount he thinks (or discovers) I have and that he needs. I often forget all the 10 20 30 dollar loans so sometimes he pays money back and sometimes he does not. He currently owes me over a thousand.

He got really angry when I once asked him to sign a repayment agreement, so thats not an option. He expresses frustration if I try to give him a check rather than cash. I always try to avoid talking about money with him, but if i do or if he knows I have purchased any item for more than twenty bucks, he will comment that I must be doing okay financially and can he borrow money?

I did borrow money from him once about five years ago when I was unemployed and ill; he said it was a gift, but I decided we could take it off what he owed me from a year earlier. (this infuriated him- he wanted it to be a gift.)

I want to maintain our friendship because i enjoy his companionship. However, last week i lent him another five hundred and he wanted even more... it is too stressful. I told him I dont want to loan him anymore money. Today he called for another hundred.

I am a single mom with three college age kids. My 17 year old is still at home, and I spend more on my friend than i do on my daughter... this borrowing has got to stop. how can i set limits??

How can you not see that this guy is using you?

You may enjoy his companionship but he's not a friend, he may be nice to you and have a good old chat and a giggle with you, of course he does because if he didn't then whereelse will he get the money?

He's asking you over and over again and for large amount because you always give in. The more you give him money it's just a green light to him to ask again because he always gets it. HE IS USING YOU!
Don't set any boudries except $0. Do not give him any money, if he notices you have something new then tell you it's because you saved for it and now you've spent up. WHat you are buying is for yourself and your 3 children and at the moment you are putting this user before your family.

Tell him enough is enough, you are not bailing him out anymore, if you wants money then tell him to earn it like any other person would and if he get's angry and decides to no longer be your friend, well then that's proof of how he has been using you all along.
If he was a friend he would not be putting you under this kind of pressure and upsetting you.

PLEASE don't give him money, if he calls you on the phone then tell him that your not giving him anymore, end of! And if he starts getting moody and asks you again, just hang up.
If he asks you at your door then shut the door in his face (or tell him to leave if he's in your home).

You need to put your family first.

[view]

(Rating: 5) excellent advice, thank you. Stating '..giving him money its like a green light to him to ask again' really helps -primarily because it gives me a good visual. I am going to try to use that visual tool when the subject comes up again.
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