Hi there,
I am almost 22 years old! I've lived with my grandparents my whole life, August last year, my grandfather of 58 suddenly passed away. He was an extremely fit and healthy man. It was a very big shock to our family! My Nan is turing 61 soon!
My Nan is not coping by any means of the loss of her life partner! It is still very early days and I completely understand that!
I have recently broken my ankle and go in for surgery on Monday! I know that my Nan needs to feel her place of being wanted or needed again but at the same time she is smothering me and I feel like I have lost my independance again! She feels the need to do everything for me. I am mobile and can walk, that's not an issue. It's things such as how am I going to get to the hospital, how am I going to get home etc!
I have a boyfriend of 5 years who is able to drop me off to the hospital and pick me up the day after by taking a bit of time off of work. I had already told him not to because he wont get paid for that. Even when I told her so, she was like No, we will catch a taxi! I for one, don't want to catch a taxi after I have had surgery especially when there are a number of people to pick me up! So the hospital wouldn't admit me unless I had the name of a driver. I rang my Nan and she went off at me, started yelling saying that she was going to organise a taxi etc. I said to her that it was out of my control and a taxi is not a reliable source of transport after surgery.
She was absolutely furious with me because of this! Am I over reacting to be angry with her about a ride home from the hospital? The only reason I can't drive myself is because my car is a manual!
The other thing is, is that my boyfriend and I want to start looking at buying a block of land to build a house on. I know that when the time comes that I tell her, she is going to be very upset because she doesn't like being on her own! Me moving out means she has this big home and only her living in it!
Is it so wrong to want to start my own life with my boyfriend and do things for myself? My boyfriend and I are planning on getting engaged and married and building a house all in the next 3 years but I just fell like I am always set back by her! It's ok to love and care for your family members but there comes a time when the parents sit back and watch their children grow up, not continue to tell them what to do at the age of 22!
She still thinks I am 12 years old! She is very controlling and has an opinion about everything. When you retaliate back, you are then classed as 'unappreciative' and 'disrespectful' so I don't say much to her when I am upset. I just walk away!
I am tired of having to answer to her! When do I finally get to have my own opinion and be myself without feeling like I am walking on egg shells all the time! I am over it and it is making me angry all the time!
Thank you!
she want to protect you thats allm its not easy lossing a husband, she just lost her husband, which was your grandpa, she want soemeone to be closer to her, shes felling lonely and waant you to spend a lots of time with her, she just want to spend these little time with you, try to be in her shoes and you will feel that
i know you are frustrated, but it is going to change dont worry about that
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Thank you! I just feel that other kids (4 of them) have just left it all up to me to pick up the pieces because I live with her still. They all ask me why haven't the lawns been done, why haven't you swept the floors etc.. I work full time and I am also dealing with the loss of my grandpa who raised me.. so my dad basically! Why has this responsibility been given to me?! I do know it will change, not anytime soon but it will! Thank you
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