Member Since: December 26, 2009
Answers: 10
Last Update: January 10, 2010
Visitors: 1928
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I don't even want to say I love him, but I think it's true. I don't want to think of him this way. He is my best friend. I can't tell anyone, "Hey, I lied I still like him. Hey, I'm not over him. Hey, I feel empty inside because he said he was going to love me forever, but he doesn't." I can not especially tell him. I told him a month ago that I would never mention "us" anymore, and I've kept to my word. By now he must believe that I am over him. I hope he does think that. But if he truly does, then it truly means he does not care and that he has moved on. It's so easy for him to mope about other girls and talk about them and me to give him advice, to cheer him on, to tell him to not give up. I tell him that he'll meet the right girl someday. I know that it isn't me. It can't be me right? If it was me, then he would know it. I have this break up book and have read some of it. I think it might have made my feelings resurface when I started reading it and actually feeling them again. I think I've tried to deny my feelings thinking that it's the easiest way to make them disappear. Life just changed on me so suddenly and I can't go back. How do I believe anything anymore? I know it was my fault but now I don't know how I'll trust a guy. It was bad enough before, it took me ages to open up to him properly, I'm scared. I'm scared that people lie and that love ends so suddenly without warning. And I thought everything was okay just yesterday. I don't know what to do. (link)
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You love him and you don't know what to do. Here's my advice: Just love him. Love is something you possess in your heart. It is not a complicated struggle with all the confusing causes and conditions you are analyzing. Pause, breathe, and notice what you are feeling inside your body.
Life, love and relationships are not either-or propositions. You are in love with someone you consider a "friend". This is a good thing. Live your love and don't deny your feelings. They are not going to go away even if you do.
Do not be concerned about what you can or cannot tell others about how you feel. First you need to understand what you are feeling. Maybe you will have to admit that you were wrong or that your feelings have changed or that you didn't really understand them at the time you told your friends that you were not into him anymore. This is alright. It is the human condition to change and make mistakes
Do not be concerned about what he does or does not believe. If he believes that you are "over him" then you may decide to change that but first pay attention to yourself and how it is that you are not "over him".
You tell him that he "will meet the right girl some day" but you want to be that girl and you are afraid that you are not. Since you don't know whether you are the right girl for him why do you assume that he should know any better than you do? Being the right girl is a process, not a fact. Maybe this process will happen, maybe it won't. Don't assume that your assumptions prove facts about the feelings of others. You get lost then in the maze of your own thinking and distance yourself from the person who's feelings you want to know better.
A couple of certain truths I can relate to you: Denying your feelings is not the easiest way to make them disappear. It's the easiest way to guarantee that they will blow back on you and cause you to suffer.
You are right: people do lie and love can end suddenly and without warning. But also people tell the truth and what sometimes feels like love ending is actually an opportunity to love in a completely different way.
Love is not a commodity possessed by others and given to or taken away by others at random. Love is what resides in your heart and your heart has an infinite capacity to love. It is scary to love. I admit. But love anyway. With all your heart. Love yourself, your family, your friends, your neighbors and especially your enemies. Love as though your life depended on it. Guess what? It does.
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Rating: 5
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Thank you so much, you really don't know how much you've helped. Everything you are saying is to true, it's just that this pain just came rushing in so suddenly that it became really overwhelming. But I am really taking your advice to heart so thank you.
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