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Gender: Male
Location: South Carolina
Occupation: Student
Age: 26
Member Since: September 27, 2009
Answers: 13
Last Update: October 10, 2009
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i love my boyfriend to death n weve ben together over a year but he has let himself go n he doesnt care at all about what he looks like.. he refuses n its gross but i love him, how can i get him to workout some or take care of his heigene? (link)
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It sounds like your boyfriend is stuck in that dark abyss called depression. I know it might be hard on you, but it's worse for him. Most people go through it at least once in their life time, but for some the problem can be much more serious. Sometimes it can be remedied by a really strong support system (such as family, friends, etc.) and other times it takes the expertise of professionals (psychologists, psychiatrists, etc.). My advice is to do a little research on the subject (Google is your friend - search "depression symptoms") and have a talk with him.
Most people don't even realize that they're depressed and sometimes it takes an outsider to point it out to them. You might be the person who helps him through this, but don't get down if you can't do it alone. Just keep in mind, depression can be a really sensitize subject for guys because society tells us that we're supposed to be the strong ones and not show weakness. Approach this with sensitivity and positivity. Don't tell him that him or his behavior is "gross." Find another way to express yourself without making him feel worse about himself.
Also, if the two of you are in high school, a guidance counselor can be a great help for both you and him. Educate yourself and take advantage of what's around you. I was home schooled when I was a teen and was pretty much isolated from a lot of resources that could have helped me through my depression. Something as simple as going to your library or talking to a teacher can really help. One thing few people will tell you about depression is that it can be contagious. Just as someone's positive energy can have an effect on you, so can someone's negative energy.
After all is said and done and you still find yourself unhappy, you might need to reexamine your relationship. Relationships need compromise from both people to work. You shouldn't be the only one who gives up your needs just to please him. You deserve to be happy too. That doesn't mean that your happiness and supporting him can't coexist, but it sounds like you might need to put your relationship on pause to focus on the more serious issue, which is his depression. There's something going on that's making him shut down in pretty much every way. Help him to help himself.
Good luck!
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Rating: 5
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im schizophrenic, he got spd. weve both ben through soo much dealing with depression, n its not that what else could it be?
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