about

Well i don't really like doing 'about me' bits, so all I'll say is that I want to help as much as I can, and I think i'm quite good at seeing things from the perspective of others, a characteristic, I've always believed, to be essential when giving good advice. Feel free to ask me anything you like =)

*I've added my email, should be somewhere on my page and if anyone recieves advice from me and just wants to ask more about their problem or what they've said, they can ask me through that if they prefer =)

advice

Ok so i'm 18 years old. And im there's something that's been bugging me for the last 4 years. I don't know and i'm confused. See, i was dating this boy and he wanted to have sex. I was a virgin so i was kinda nervous and kept talling him no. This persisted for about a month where i kept saying no and no. But eventually he convinced me that no harm would be done if i was naked. i was stupid and thought that if i gave in and just got undressed maybe he'd drop it and stop asking me for sex. Anyways, we started making out and u got uncomfortable because i felt his hand gtouching my thigh. Then his fingers went inside me. I didn't say anything because it felt good. Well then he got on top of me and said. "Let me put it in you" i got nervous and told him no no no. But he kept pushing. I started to get scared so i scratched his chest but he proceed to pin my thighs open and he just pushed himself inside me, all the while i was crying and asking him to stop. I mean i know i didn't want to have sex. But, i feel like it was my fault too. Maybe i shouldn't have been such a slut and taken my clothes off. I don't know. But now it's gotten to the point where i can't think. I feel used and dirty. And now, 4 years later, i still can't get intimate with any guy because i'm so scared to think that he won't stop when i say "no." so. i don't know. was i raped? Or was it all my own fault?

Well yeah in the the sense that to be raped is to have sex forced upon you when you don't want it, I would say that you were. Was it you're own fault? absolutely not, if you put you're trust in him then he abused that trust then its his fault, he's the one that was to blame. I think by the sounds of it he lured you into a false sense of security in the way that he made it sound like there was absolutely nothing going to happen when you took your clothes off. Its his fault!!!
If you're still not convinced, think of it this way: Take a real step back and think, if it was someone else telling this story to you, would you say the girl was to blame? Don't think about what happened to you at all in anyway, if you'd never heard of such a thing happening, would you tell the female she was in the wrong. I don't think you would and I hope you wouldn't.
As for finding it hard to get intimate, well i'm sure you know, this is just becuase you've never properly dealt with the situation as i'm imagining you never confronted him about it or even, by the sounds of it, you haven't talked this over with anyone else. I think what you really need to do is just talk about it as much as possible, find a really good friend or even anyone (i'll give you an IM or email address you can contact me on if that would help) and just talk and let all you're thoughts out about it, it may be unpleasant but you need to tackle them and face what happened if you're ever even going to start to get over it.

So conclusion; no it wasn't you're fault and you need to talk about it, before anything else, to start getting over it. If you want to talk to me about it then leave you're email in response and i can email you my IM or email =)

Hope this helps

Mike!

[view]

(Rating: 5) wow thanks, that made me feel slightly better, nut im still slightly confused.. Sure, id provbab;y feel better if i talked it out or somethingg,
email me please.
CeliaLira09@yahoo.com
<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
eXTReMe Tracker