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Q: 19/f

I am 19 and my parents dont really allow me to do much. I feel like a child. My friends all make fun of me for being under such close watch and not being allowed to go places and do things like most 19 or 18 year old do, because i always have to ask my parents and hope that they will permit me to do something... I have no freedom. I've fairly recently gotten in trouble for trying to go out, because I said so, and I was like... its time to stop being controlled by my parents and get out and have some fun.
I had to deceive my parents so that i could do what i wanted to do. I couldn even leave the house without my mom looking out the door to see who was picking me up and to see if they were there yet...etc.... I didnt know my mom was going to follow me to the door, so that foiled my plan. I was going to walk up the road, but my mom was like "no, tell your friend to come pull up infront of the door". And then she saw that it was a male friend and not the female friend i told her it was. I got in a lot of trouble and got yelled at and lectured.. Now my parents say they dont trust me and i cant go anywhere or do anyyything. My friends say "you're 19, you can do what you want....etc."..

I want to know if it would be f***ed up or not if I were to just slip out the house and move one day and not tell my parents anything until I get there. I want to live with a certain guy, but, i mean, when i am ready to move in with him and when i'm sure thats what i want to do. And I will call my parents from my new residence, or better yet text them and be like "umm.... yeah.... i moved..."

They dont even want me meeting with this guy. They dont want me to meet with no guy or do anything. And I am so tired of my parents! I need to get away from them! I'm not going to even bother with introducing them to the guy, because they wont want me with him cuz he's 22 and i told my mom a little bit about him and she's like "you dont need to be with him. you dont need to be with anybody. You need to focus on school and focus on gettin yourself together first (work on myself in terms of anxiety problems etc.)" They just want to keep me as their boyfriend-less child for as long as they possibly can.

And I dont want to bother with telling them i plan on moving out. So do you think it would be messed up if i just moved out, and in with this guy, and just told them about it after the fact? Just so they know what happened to me.. and that way they cant do anything about it

Yes it will be very messed up if you don't tell your parents you are moving out. They care about you and want what is best for you. Moving out is fine as long as you are really ready, but you need to prepare yourself financially and emotionally so that you won't have to come back home. Being a responsible adult is not about sneaking off. Talk to your parents and let them know what your intentions are and prepare to go. I do not however thik it will be a good idea for you to move in with a guy. Being in that situation would only cause you to rely on him instead of your parents. If things go sour with him you will be in a terrible spot and your parents will be disappointed. Being 19 means that you are old enough to do what you want to, but you need to be responsible when making decisions about your life and where you will be. This CAN NOT be about a guy or it will fail. You have to move out for you, and you alone and put yourself first. If you can not afford to take care of yourself on your own and pay for rent, you are not ready to movw out yet. A roomate is fine b/c it will be equal,but moving in with a guy could turn into a nightmare and since its his place...it will not be equal. Plase consider all of this before making a decision.

Rating: 4

thank you for reading and thank you for your input =] . It was a valid point to say that I need to be able to make my own money and be able to afford to pay rent; but in my case, my anxiety controls me in ways and it stands in the way of me getting a job. It is difficult for me to attend my classes also. Thats why I'm not doing so well in school. I understand that my parents want me to go to college, benefit from it, succeed, etc.. but going to college is not for me. So i feel like i dont know what i am going to do in my life. I am nnnot living with my parents forever... I cant even go to school for a career, or get a job to make money to be able to move out.... I was liking the idea of moving in with this guy who will love me and take care of me. And it seems like my only option. I want to move in with him after i've spent enough time with him and when i'm sure it would be a good idea to live with him, and he understands me.. understands that certain things are obstacles for me because of apprehensions and anxieties. Now i am feeling like he will accept that and he will care about me alot and want me to live with him. There's a possibility that later he will not like that i'm so dependent... i dont know... but my parents tell me that i have to be independent and not have to depend on a man, but i cant be independent. I cant do anything on my own... i cant work... what are my options? Not that i am just in a hurry to move out and away from my parents just for the sake of it, or not that i'm going to rush moving in with this guy; but i really want to be with him.. and i will see how things go.. see if i want to live with him... and a bonus would be getting away from mom and dad...

What do you think i should do in my case? I cant even support myself.... at least not without lots of therapy so that i will be able to work... i cant live with my parents forever.. i cant live with a room mate who expects me to go half on rent because i cant make money because i cant get a job... What should I do?? =[ *crying*

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I believe in telling the truth, so I will be honest with you. I also believe that when it comes to respect...reciprocity is key!
Any question that rests on your head is one worth asking.

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