Member Since: November 14, 2008
Answers: 27
Last Update: March 24, 2009
Visitors: 2298
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15.f
so one of my best friends has a boyfriend and they've been going out for about a while. however, she's getting a little upset with him because he is not managing his time well in terms of academics and extracurriculars (he's always stressed out, which stresses her out). she even does homework for him.
unfortunately, i don't think she's handling the situation well at ALL. i mean, she's all like, "i'll help you!" and helps him, and then holds it against him, and it's obvious he hates that. for instance, we had to write an essay recently and he asked her if she can EDIT it. he had already written it. she did so, but then in school in front of myself and another guyfriend, she was like, "i practically wrote it since i had to edit EVERY SENTENCE." and that's pretty mortifying for him if you ask me.
so why doesn't he just do his homework himself? well first of all, he's in all honors and AP courses and he also does a ton of extracurriculars, and he refuses to drop them. if he doesn't ask her for help, he ends up getting really stressed out, and if he DOES ask her for help, he feels mad guilty. and she's not being very supportive of him; she mainly ridicules him for not managing his time well. she has a crapload of her OWN stuff to do, and it's very difficult for her. if she helps him, she gets stressed out because she has SO MUCH WORK to do. if he doesn't, she hears him complain, she gets stressed out because he's stressed out. lose-lose situation.
SO, i wanted to know what i should do. both of them are very stressed out right now and frustrated with the other, and it is NOT my intention to create even more problems amongst them by getting involved. for a project we all have to do, she refused to let him take his part (although he INSISTED he would do it, she knows he will only be overwhelmed later) and took it on herself. obviously, i offered to do it for her. she refused. then we decided i would do half of his part and she would do the other half. she feels so badly asking me for help because it's like a domino effect -- he doesn't do his work, she does it for him, she gets stressed out, i do it for them, i get stressed out. and she doesn't want that.
but i hate hearing her complain. and i hate hearing her completely verbally abuse him. she embarrasses him a lot and i feel so badly for him.
i want to know what i can do to help. i do not want to interfere with their relationship by talking to him behind her back because i don't want her to get upset with me, but i really don't want this to get out of hand. i feel worse for her boyfriend because he has so much to do, is so stressed out, and has a crazy girlfriend who guilt-trips him. i've asked my friend to just TALK to him calmly (not ridicule him) and explain that he should manage his time better or drop something, but right after i said that she just ridiculed him more.
do you think i should call her boyfriend and ask him directly if he needs help? he needs a friend, and his girlfriend is stressing him out now. he needs someone to talk to cause none of his guyfriends would understand. would it seem justifiable if i merely CALLED him and asked how he's doing, and if there's ANYTHING i can do to help him? he needs someone to HELP him, not ridicule him for making a few mistakes in his life. jeez.
thanks. (link)
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wat i think that u should say to your friend is to tell her boyfriend that you are not super man you cannot do everything at once and he should not be asking her for help on his work unless they are both doing a study group because the same situation happened to one of my cousins because she is in the honor roll but she always used to ask her friends for help on her homework and then one of the days her friends got tired of her asking them for help and then they told her that she is going to have to drop some of the courses or she is going to have to stop asking them for help on her homework i know that you said that he does not want to drop any of his activity's but that is wat he is going to have to do if he wants to stop being so stressed out all of the time
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