Gender: Male
Member Since: November 18, 2007
Answers: 170
Last Update: February 13, 2014
Visitors: 12643
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hi I am a wife and a mother mother of four great kids. I love my family to death but they say that I am onesided and to hard on them. I however dont see that way. I just think i want the best for them. Now mind you 3 of my kids are handicapped and this puts alot of stress on me. it seems at times that I am the only parent in the house. my husband works and I stay home with the kids. I cook,clean,help kids with their things and try to be a loving wife. but when he comes home if feel i need a break and it is his time with them. we do share so household chores. but when it his day to do something he useally doesnt do or only half way do it. and i feel if you start something you need to finish no matter what. he says that i have to have my way about everything and that i dont care what he feels or how it makes him feel. he also says that I have a way of doing everything and if i see someone doing it diffrent then its wrong. plus he say I have a spot for everything and that the house isnt going to stay clean and I should let it go sometimes and chill.he also state that no matter what he does it doent please me. Now I feel that you should have a clean house and keep it nice but i now its not going to stay clean but if you see something out of place put it away this makes it easier on me.should i chill? i have a very bad temper and we get into fights not hand to hand but yelling matches and sometimes i feel that i am not tiring my best to stop the fights and that im overbearing and out of control what should I do? i feel sometimes that it would be easier to be by myself.
mylife (link)
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you have special needs children which surely adds to the workload. i feel for you with your husbands attitude. naturally you will fell ike he doesn't care or doesn't care enough for you to finish his jobs. but lets say you give him a job of cleaning the garage and raking the leaves. if he does 50 percent of both, he feels as if he really accomplished one total job. he surely thinks that partly doing something is better than doing nothing at all. every little bit does help out your situation. but at the same time, if you only partly clean then you never have it completely clean. you may feel awkward about having guests and such because of it. my thinking is this as far as the chores go. so it seems that you aren't the one complaining, have your husband make a list of what chores he will finish or take care of for the week. but have it set up that it must be finished. if you let him in charge of his destiny/workload he cannot resent you. plus this also locks him into a commitment. it's a bit like letting a child decide their own punishment and all guys are children really. i know, i am a guy.
with your arguments, you both have to learn how to discuss and not yell. i had a teacher once that instead of yelling would get quieter and quieter. but the students would actually get quiet and would strain to hear what she said. that may help. you could also try to do something like the following. when you are arguing, use some object like a football or stuffed animal or whatever. but whoever is holding the football gets to speak while the other listens. but you can take turns holding it and speaking. this will keep the need for yelling at a minimum. louder doesn't mean right but yelling causes things to be emotional. you two have to be a team. insulting each other will only make things worse. i think you'd be better served saying something like 'you're my man, i need you. i can't do this alone. i need you and your help" not something like "you're a slob". i know you may feel like he is and are dying to say he is a slob or whatever. but that's counterproductive.
i don't know if you are overbearing or not. you very well may be. odds are you are a bit and he is a bit lazy. he's probably just used to his mom doing things for him and never grew up.
also, you may want to be more selective with his chores. like if you have him do the laundry, it's either not in the washer or it is. it's a job where it's almost either not done at all or completely done. if you can find jobs like that or going to the store for milk or filling up the gas tanks in the car he can be helpful. this will allow you to use that time for jobs that he doesn't complete. i hope i was some help for you
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Rating: 5
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you hit right on the head when you said he was use to his mom doing everything for him. beacuse she did and still trys too. he is the baby in his amily and i am the middle so that may be a problem there. but i will try what you said and see what happens. I will do anything to get things to run easier. thank you for your time and help.
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